Aevrin pulled her back into his room, closed the door, and ran his hands comfortingly down her arms. His dark eyes peered down into hers, worry written in the lines of his brows.
“You okay? You wanna talk about it?” Aevrin asked.
“Not really,” Cassia said.
“‘Not really’ to the first question or the second?” He asked, his large, calloused palms stilling on her shoulders.
How could he truly want to know? How could Aevrin really want to listen to her talk about anything and everything she was feeling? Hadn’t he given enough of himself? The skeptic in her squirmed at his words, warning Cassia not to get comfortable.
She’d already decided to humor him, to stick around as long as he’d let her, until he inevitably grew tired of her. Her brain reminded her that he would, no matter how sweet his words were to her ears, like a balm to a life-long ache. It was just how things went.
She drew a deep breath without answering Aevrin, and ran her eyes over his tall, muscular form. She wanted to step into his arms and let him comfort her. But she wasn’t supposed to trust this; wasn’t supposed to trust anybody to stay.
Was she really going to live the rest of her life in fear, never letting anyone in? Because she wasn’t supposed to give this a chance.
But…her heart said, slowly, quietly, as Cassia stood by the door to Aevrin’s room, his hands still on her shoulders.
But…what if there really were people as good as Aevrin Riveker in the world?
But… what if someone like Aevrin Riveker really could want someone as broken as her?
But…what if Aevrin wasn’t just offering a dream, but something real, something that could last? What if he was who he said he was; meant what he said he meant?
Trust didn’t come easily to her.
But…what if she decided to trust him anyways, to stop holding herself back? To be honest about what she wanted?
Because what she wanted was him. The letters l-o-v-e were as close as she could come to saying the word, even in her head; it was far too dangerous an idea, and it was far too soon. But there it was, nonetheless, in Aevrin’s eyes; and an answer in her heart.
“...Cassia?” he whispered. She’d taken too long to answer.
Cassia blinked and shook her head, clearing the thoughts. She reached out to rest her hands against his chest.
“Both,” she said. “I’m not alright, and I don’t want to talk about it. I’m worried sick about Rylan. But I’m sick of worrying. I want to think about something else, for a bit, or not think at all.”
He nodded slowly; she could see him puzzling through this. Aevrin’s chest rose as he drew a deep breath.
“You wanna go for a walk?” he offered.
Saying it out loud was as good as admitting she was ready to take the risk.
“I don’t care where we go. I just want to lose myself in you. To feel good, instead of worrying. Is that selfish?”
His eyebrows rose, and Aevrin smiled a little.
“How in hell would that be selfish?”
“Because, he’s…”
Aevrin shook his head before she could even put the words together.
“Thinking about yourself now and then isn’t selfish, Cassia. Not at all. You’ve been worried about him a long time, and there’s nothing we can do tonight; nothing worrying is gonna help. Besides, if it makesyouselfish to want that… I don’t even wanna think what it makesme.”
He reached his arms all the way around her, pulling Cassia tight, and bent down to kiss her sweetly on the lips. She leaned her weight against him, letting Aevrin hold her upright as she surrendered to wanting him. She was so scared to let go. But for him, she wanted to so badly.
She wanted to trust that he’d catch her if she let herself fall.
Maybe for her, trusting wasn’t something that just happened. Maybe it was something she had to choose to do.
