I eyed Mom, wanting to tell her, to throw her off her game,put her back to walking on eggshells, but I decided to wait. I was still basking in the glow from my date with Luke. It wassogreat that I didn’t even have the energy to fuck with Mom, deal with getting her all keyed up again.
80
Jane
It’s ten in the morning, already blistering hot, and I’m coated in sweat. I’ve been at it all morning in the barn, grooming Indy and mucking Cookie’s stall, which I’m almost finished with.
I can’t believe I’m leaving them both behind, the only downside to getting out of here. So the least I can do is make sure I’ve taken care of these last few things for them.
I stab the pitchfork into the ground, wipe my forehead with my shirt again.
We are leaving first thing in the morning.
When Luke got home last night, late, which I was so annoyed by, I told him our plan.
We can’t stay here one second longer than we have to.
He was bombed, weaving on his feet; I drilled him about his date with Nellie and why the hell he was out so late with her.
“I promise, n-nothing happened,” he hiccupped. “But I had to make it a good time, worth all that money her crazy-ass mom gave me!”
I let him stagger off, pass out in his shed.
Whatever. We’ll be gone and away from all this bullshit before the light of day tomorrow, before anybody else wakes up, notices we’re gone.
“Morning, Sunshine.” Pa stands at the opening of the barn,grinning at me sheepishly. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” I say, not making eye contact. I grab the pitchfork again.
After Mom told me the truth, I was too burned up at Pa toeven ask for the full story. So I’ve been punishing him, giving him the cold shoulder. But now I feel myself softening. This might be the last time I see him.
Or at least the last time for a while. Also, I do want to know the truth.
He takes a step forward. “I’m so sorry I kept it from you all this time. I just thought it’d be easier if you didn’t know all that—”
“Allwhat? Who is she, Pa? Didn’t you think I deserved the chance to know her? To get to meet her? Especially with Mom acting like such an atrocious bitch to me all my life? You and I have always had a pact: Be straight with each other. And I’ve damn well kept up my end of the bargain. Acting as your front woman, putting myself out there—”
His honey-colored eyes scan my face, and dammit, they mist with tears. He walks over to me, lifts me in his arms. Then I start crying, too.
“You’ve been the best girl ever. The girl of my dreams, Sunshine, and I just never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry I lied, kept it from you. But I thought it was for the best. For your own good.”
He keeps clutching me, which makes me sob harder. I’m crying not just because my whole life has been a lie and I feel like I can’t trust anything or anyone anymore, but also because I’m gonnamisshim. And for a second, I’m not so sure: Do Luke and I really need to go through with this? Run off? I can’t imagine a world without Pa in it. We’re a team. Always have been.
But then I think of Blair, of the letterj, like a glowing neon sign hanging over this family.
Iknowif anyone had anything to do with it—if it wasn’t just some crazy accident—then it was her.
Pearl Jameson’s mangled body flashes across my mind again.
She was the popular rich-bitch queen bee of Highland Park, and like Blair, she had her eyes on Luke. Flirting with him, competing for him. Luke flirting back, playing along so we could keep our secret. To an outsider, it might appear that Luke and Pearl were a thing. It definitely did to Julia.
She couldn’t stand it, would thrash around our room, mooning over Luke while tearing Pearl apart.
Then, one Friday night, while Pearl was driving alone, down a steep hill from White Rock Lake back to her house, her brakes went out, and she crashed, wrapping her shiny convertible Mercedes around a tree.
No one could prove a thing, but it seemed pretty clear that her brake lines had been cut.
I knew, of course, that Julia was behind it all.
