August 4
Riley,
I had a dream last night. Like, an actual dream. Not a nightmare. My therapist had given me a journal to write everything down, including my dreams, then left it up to me whether I choose to burn my words to set them free, or to share them and let them go.
Well, I’m sharing my words with you, but I’m definitely not letting them go.
Because I dreamt about you, Riley Benjamin.
Us.
It felt like a memory with the way I got to touch you, but it was us as we are now. Everything felt so real as you let me explore your body. The way we reacquainted ourselves with one another and gained a new intimacy with touch along the way.
I miss the way your body fits so perfectly with mine, Ri. The way you fill me so completely that when we’re connected, my world narrows down to just the two of us. Creed has always had half of my heart and soul, but I don't think you understand that you are the sole owner of the other half.
Be a good boy for me, and push yourself through therapy, baby. Because I can’t wait for you to come home to us and for you to say yes to exploringusagain, because you? You’re everything I need. You’re everythingheneeds.
I’ll see you soon!
Xoxo
—Collins
I open Creed’s letter next and can’t help but laugh at his desperation.
Aug. 10
Riley…Pookie…
Can you PUH-LEASE tell me what was in your letter? Collins is being all cagey about it and I’m feeling left out.
Xo—
Creed
Creed,
Cute nickname, but no.
What’re you gonna do about it, huh?
Xo
—Pookie
I finish my short response to him on his own letter and seal it in an envelope before moving on to respond to my girl. My eyeslinger on the picture of her and her words to me for a moment longer before I write:
Snow, baby,
You’re gonna end me with that last letter. I cannot stop staring at it. At you. If you knew my attraction to you back when I first met you, it’s only increased tenfold.
You take every bit of air from my lungs and hold it captive. But I’d rather lead a life where you are my oxygen than to try and breathe without you.
I dream of you, too, you know. I feel as if our story had just begun before it was threatened to be torn apart. I was terrified that what we survived would give us no choice other than to change our minds, but this time without you has only solidified how much I need you. Crave you and your touch. You and Creed are my anchors in this chaotic world.
Every night I fall asleep, I dream of deepening that bond between us. *All* of us. So, every morning I wake up just as hard as I am scared that it’s all a dream, but you two remind me again and again that we are real.
I can’t wait to get the hell out of here because I’m dying to get to know your body all over again. To discover new parts of myself that I never knewexisted. To do things I never thought I’d do with one person, let alone two.
