ASH: She’s been quiet for a while. She’s got some heavy stuff on her mind, but I’ll let her tell you.
So she’s anything but okay.
“You okay?” Blair asks, following a few feet behind me as we make our way out of the hotel. “You’re moving like your ass is on fire.”
“I just need to get back to them.” I approach my car and look at Blair. “You need a ride?”
“If you don’t mind.” He shakes his head, looking at Bear over his shoulder as he climbs into his truck. “He drives like a fucking lunatic.”
I chuckle, despite my skin crawling with the need to cut the small talk so I can get back to my girl and my boy. But being an asshole won’t get me there any faster.
I send off a text to Collins before starting the car:
ME: I’m on my way, Stardust.
I have some anxiety when it comes to leaving them because the last time I had significant distance between us…they were hurt and taken from me. Almost fuckingdied.So yeah, paranoia has been devouring me from the inside out by the minute.
“They’re both tough as shit, you know that, right?” Blair says after several long minutes of my silent stewing after hitting the highway.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, sighing. “I know it.” My grip on the steering wheel tightens. “They shouldn’t fucking have to be, though. Every goddamned time I think about what they—what he—FUCK!” I punch the steering wheel, the heat of anger and fury burning through me like a fucking blazing inferno.
“Hey,” Blair says softly when I pull up to a stoplight. I turn my head to look at him. His mismatched eyes that are usually so full of light and playfulness are now somber. “I might not be the serious guy of the group like Bear, but I’ve seen the look on your face before, and I’ve witnessed enough shit lately to last me a fucking lifetime.” He runs a hand through his hair, glancing out the windshield. “Don’t let the guilt consume you. It’s not your fault.
“Yougot them out.You.They’re alive and awake, hearts beating and fuckingsmilingdespite all they’ve been through. They’re herebecause of you.So focus on that right now. Worry about all the other shit later. Okay?”
The light turns green and with a silent nod, I turn my attention back to the road with a wicked smirk on my face, “I like the way you think, Blair Finn.”
He chuckles, “I’m not just here for a good time, my guy.” He says, grinning and playfully slapping his palm against my thigh several times before squeezing and jostling my leg. “I’m here for a long time.”
“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?” I laugh, eyeing him as he releases me.
“Not this time.”
I pull into the parking garage, more than ready to get back to my people. I’m practically tripping over my feet as I get out of the car and rush towards the private elevator. Blair is right on my heels, in a hurry all his own.
Which reminds me— “What’s going on with you and Asher?”
He looks up from his phone and gives me a slow, lazy grin as we ride the elevator up to Collins’ and Riley’s floor. “Wouldn’t you like to know,Credence.”
“You fucker!” I bark a laugh and give him a shove, shouldering my way out of the elevator in pursuit of finding my girl and my guy.
Chapter 18
Riley
DAY OF DISCHARGE (ONE WEEK LATER)
I’m struggling as much as I’m simultaneously in heaven while hand feeding Collins M&M’s one at a time as a form of grip therapy. It’s also my attempt at keeping her calm in the wake of the news we received a few days ago. After the nurse was entirely too terse with Collins last week, it made her feel like she wasn’t welcome in my room anymore, which royally pissed me off. I didn’t want to cause problems, but I wanted her back with me. Collins, never one to make waves, had always waved it off and put her best face on to prove she was okay. I could see straight through it, though.
The first thing I focused on outside of therapy was to wean myself from the pain meds. I hated how they always knocked me out, because every time I wake up, I hate how it feels like I’ve missed out on time with her and Creed.
The first night I spent without her, I woke up from several nightmares all night because she wasn’t there.
The next day, psych came in to talk to me and told me what I’m feeling is a symptom of PTSD, that my brain has formed some sort of a trauma bond to her…and that it wouldn’tbe healthy for me to constantly give in and put myself in her vicinity.
I didn’t like that either.
The thought of distancing myself from Collins makes me feel nauseated.
