I choke on air. “Oh, my god!” I whisper-shout, but it comes out as more of a squeak, whipping to face my brother with a goofy ass grin on my face. I smack at his arm several times with the back of my hand, and he playfully flinches. “I freaking knew it!”
“You little shit, you know nothing,” he teases, a fierce blush creeping up his cheeks before slinging his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his side.
“I totally did.” I nudge him, laying my head on his shoulder and looking back to where brunette Barbie stands in front of Riley.
She’s continually touching and holding Riley’s hand, not even looking at it while she blatantly stares at him as he continues to look at me. His dark mocha eyes meet mine, and a sweet, shy smile pulls at his lips that I know is just for me. Pippa lifts his hand in her grip, seemingly examining it while she prattles on and he winces, pulling it from hers on reflex. His smile falls as he reluctantly turns his attention back to her.
I’m about to jolt from my seat to tell her to stop fucking hurting him when Asher’s arm clamps firmly around the back of my neck. “Easy, tiger. Come with me.” He pulls me to stand, directing me towards the door. We stop just outside of Riley’s room in the hallway before he turns to me. “Please don’t worry about him, Collins. I’ve been watching the two of them, too. She may be watching Riley, but Riley has only been watching you.”
I drop my head back against the wall with an overdramatic sigh. “I know.” I smirk, my eyes flitting to Pippa through the window of his room before settling on my Riley again. “You know, there were too many times when I thought I had lost him, Ash.” I look back to my brother, hugging my arms around my waist. “For good, I mean.It…it feels like Ijustgot him back, and I’m terrified that once the initial shock and elation wears off, we won’t be able to get back to the way things were before.”
My eyes well with tears, and my throat threatens to close up with the overwhelming feeling of sorrow that overtakes me. Asher rubs a rough but comforting palm over my uninjured shoulder in comfort. I take a breath, trying to clear my sore, overused throat.
“Before…things were only just starting to fall into place. Everything felt so damn perfect. But right now, having anyone who’s not me or Creed so close to him feels like a threat.”
“Why do you say that, Bug?”
I look at him, and I can see the theories churning in his mind. I knew he was a part of the rescue team that stormed the building that held us captive. I’ve been either so single-mindedly focused or dissociated that I can’t even remember if I ever thanked him properly for saving my life.
I bite my lip, not wanting to say the words out loud, but on a sharp inhale, I speak. “I’m scared that there will be too much broken between us.”I swipe angrily at a rogue tear that escapes. “I mean sure, he was obviously happy that I’m okay and I couldn’t be more relieved that he still wants to be around me after all he went through, but at what cost? Will those feelings come to a halt when it all comes crashing down? I don’t know if I could handle that, Ash. I didn’t just fall in love with Creed. I…I fell hard for Riley, too.”
“I know,” he acknowledges softly.
“But I feel like that love is what doomed him in the first place. What if what Guy did to us caused irreversible damage that I can’t fix? What if Riley grows to resent me for it one day?”I run my fingers through my hair as panic settles in. “Fuck, I can’t even get a fucking grip on my own mind, Asher! Who the hell am I to ask to earn his love again when I don’t even love myself?”
“Okay, stop.” He pops his hand over my mouth to prevent me from further word vomiting. “If you think for one goddamned second that the boy inside that hospital room,” he starts as he points at the door, “isn’t fucking head over heels, deeply, madly, truly in love with you in such a permanent way that it’s almost scary? Then, I’m afraid you’ve gone completely mad, baby sis.
“What you two have been through…what yousurvived…” Ash drops his hand and looks away, swallowing several times, his body rigid and his eyes glassy. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for either of you, Bug.But if you feel him pull away, let him loose but don’t let him go. Give him some time to breathe, but never stop fighting for one another.”
Tears fill my eyes as I ponder my brother’s words before giving him a watery smile. “When’d you get so smart, Ash?”
He looks over my shoulder, a little dazed and lost in thought before looking back at me. “It’s a lesson I had to learn for myself recently.”
I know who he’s talking about, but he doesn’t offer more and I don’t push. He’ll tell me his and Blair’s story when he’s ready.
I can feel myself getting antsy the longer we stand here outside of the room. I want to get back to Riley despite Asherjusttelling me to give him some space, but my brother catches my attention when I turn to open the room door again.
“I want to tell you how proud I am of you, Collins.” I pause at his use of my actual name and turn to face him with a frown.
“Proud of me? For what?”
He takes a deep breath, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as he swipes a hand back and forth over the stubble on his jaw. “Everything.” He sucks in a harsh inhale and a tear falls. “Despite everything that this fucking life has thrown at you, done to you, put you through…you’ve remained the most selfless, kind-hearted, and strongest person I have ever known. I don’t deserve to call myself your brother, but you deserve the fucking world and more, Bug.”
I rush into my brother’s embrace, wrapping my arms around his middle. He wastes no time in scooping me up in a comforting hold that throws me back to when I was a kid, and he and Creed were always there to pick me up when I was down. Somethingsettles in my heart, and I squeeze him gently before stepping back.
“I love you, Ash,”I say, swiping gently at my tears before reaching to wipe his away, too. I offer him a goofy grin.“But if you ever say you don’t deserve to be my brother again, I’ll whoop your ass.”
He laughs, and I love the way his face genuinely lights up at my attempted humor. “I don’t doubt it.”
But just like all good things that go up, they must come down because right as I grab the door handle to push it open, it’s ripped from my grasp, and Pippa stands on the other side when it swings open. She’s got a weird smile on her face that might be genuine but honestly looks like she’s stepped in something.
She exits the room, looking Asher up and down once before turning to me. She’s just staring at me, and I give Asher a funny look before giving her my full attention. “Everything okay?”
She must remember herself because her shit-smelling grin is gone and a new one takes its place. “Mm?” she hums, flipping her brown braid over her shoulder. “Oh, yes. Riley is so great. Still so firm despite his…situation. He shows promise of a full recovery after I get my hands on him a little more.”
My eyes round at her words. What she’s saying and how it sounds are completely different, and I’m not entirely certain it’s unintentional.
Asher coughs. “Well, that sounded incredibly inappropriate, Peppa,”
