Collins gasps, pulling from my hold as Creed drops his hand from my hair. I mourn the loss of their touch and close my eyes, preparing for the blow. Tears cascade down my cheeks in heavy rivulets, knowing that the life I built will cease to exist in a matter of moments.
My mother’s voice is louder than ever in my ear:
Your entire existence was a mistake Riley Graves.
You’re a poison. A toxin.
You will always be the reason for their pain.
They will leave you when they realize what a disease you are.
“What happened?”Collins’ question is nearly inaudible, her whispered words thick with emotion.
I keep my eyes closed, too scared to look at Creed. Too much of a coward to face Collins.
“I refused. Every time he asked, I refused. I couldn’t let you get hurt because of me. Every time I said no, he would leave the room but would come back even more pissed off than the time before. The last time he came in, though, he gave me a timed ultimatum. He’d made one deep cut on your thigh that wouldn’t stop bleeding, and I had to choose.”
“Open your eyes, Riley,” Creed demands.
Riley, not Ri.
My heart thuds painfully within the confines of my ribcage, but I reluctantly open my eyes, meeting his icy gaze. “What happened?” he asks, his hand resting directly over Collins’ thigh, the one Guy took a knife to that day.
In reality, the choice was an easy one to make, and as much as I wished I could’ve told him to fuck off, he’d hurt her, and I had to make a decision before she bled out.
I look at Collins, hoping she doesn’t loathe my very existence when this is all over, although I deserve it.
“I had to choose between—fuck,” I cry, sucking in a breath that does fuck-all to push my next words through, “between him carving his full name into your chest and stomach, or him removing your tattoo,” the words are wrenched from my lips in nothing but broken syllables. I can’t look away from her this time. “I had to choose because I couldn’t let you die, Collins. I couldn’t let him mark you with his fucking name…so I had to choose. I had to choose. I had to choose.I had to choose.”I repeat the sentence over and over until my throat closes up under the crushing weight of my guilt.
I bury my head in my hands, my shaking fingers gripping the hair at the top of my head. My sobs and tears are completely out of control as the sounds of my breakdown fill the space of this sterile hospital room. I can feel my body trying to shrink in on itself, to become as small as possible. When you’re small, you’re invisible. If you’re invisible, you can’t get hurt.
The room is spinning, and I’m quickly losing control. Machines sound around me and foreign voices fill the doorway a moment later. Creed’s booming command to“GET THE FUCK OUT”is followed by whispered shouts, retreating footsteps, then more silence.
An unbidden, startled gasp wrenches itself free from my throat when two soft hands gently clasp either side of my head, careful to avoid the bandage that covers my ear…or maybe a lack thereof.
“Riley,”Collins' voice whispers so sweetly it almost physically hurts to hear. “Look at me, baby.”
Fuck.
“I-I’m so fucking sorry, Snow,” I whisper back, forcing myself to take a breath before slowly opening my eyes. Collins’ face is blurred through my puffy eyes, but I don’t need perfect vision tosee the way she watches me with so much sorrow etched into her beautiful face.Why does she have to be so goddamned perfect?
“Please, do not tell me that you blame yourself for what he did.”Her thumb brushes the apple of my cheek, swiping away the tears that won’t stop falling. “You didn’t have a choice in that matter.”
Creed takes up his spot next to me and tucks one arm around Collins before placing his other hand over my trembling fists in my lap. My heart rate is all over the place, and I feel cold and clammy, like I’m going to faint. It’s a phantom sensation that throws me right back into the trunk of that car when I thought I was losing Collins for a whole different reason.
It’s like I can hear Guy’s laughter mixing with my mother’s, their victory in knowing that they’ve broken me. I fucking hate how they’ve won. All I’ve ever wanted was to find someone to love, who would love me back and choose to stay, but they’ve fucked all of that up for?—
A mouth smashes against mine, completely halting my spiraling mind from forming another thought. The kiss is swift but no less elevating for my soul. My heart stutters, and my stomach cartwheels at the familiar contact. They don’t pry for more or press to deepen it, but the steady pressure grounds me.
I know whose lips chased my thoughts away, but it’s confirmed when my lashes flutter open and Creed pulls away. I half expected to see one of those devilish smirks on his face. The one that he usually wears when he catches me off guard with his affections, but this time he’s watching me carefully, as if calculating if what he did was too much or not enough.
I don’t have time to even string a few syllables together to form a response to his kiss when my face is pulled down, and a second, softer set of lips delicately claim my own. I want to sob like the pathetic man I am because these kisses don’t feel like “goodbye”.They speak to me in a way that onlytheycan. It’sa language that we’ve all come to know and understand when words aren’t enough. This is a kiss that all but screams “I’m here, and I’ve got you.”
When Collins breaks the kiss, she doesn’t let go. She continues to hold my face with our eyes closed and brows pressed together. When she speaks, our lips brush and her sweet scent washes over me.
“You had to choose.” She nods, our foreheads bobbing together. “You had to choose, and you chose right.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she quickly silences me with a peck of her lips.
