“I’m sorry you feel that way. I assure you it’s for your own safety.”
“Like hell. It’s foryoursafety.” I pause. “You don’t have to worry about getting sued. My family won’t want that kind of publicity.” I try to sound authoritative, like Anne talking to Harper’s family. She made her suggestions sound as though they were for the Steeles’ best interests, not mine, not hers.
“I assure you, my concern isn’t litigious. But since you mention it, I am contractually obligated to manage your care while you’re here.”
“I’m fully aware that you’re being paid.”
Dr. Rush ignores the venom in my words. When he speaks, he sounds as professorial as ever. I thought people who did this kind of work were supposed to be grizzled old addicts themselves, not so mild mannered that it’s hard to imagine them sipping a glass of wine, let alone falling down drunk.
“Your family trusted me with your care. And perhaps more to the point, Ms. Steele’s family trusted that you would submit to this process.”
And there it is. The man with the elbow patches who proudly showed off the deVOL cabinetry and Sub-Zero refrigerator is making his position clear: One phone call from Dr. Rush and the deal Anne cut with Harper’s parents will be off.
My eyes dart toward the sliding door, searching for something that could shatter it completely. Perhaps I could toss Dr. Rush himself through the glass. I picture shards getting caught in his hair, slicing his hands, shredding his tailored sports coat. Even now, in the middle of the night, he’s wearing the same clothing he wears in the daytime: slacks, button-down, tweed jacket. It’s a costume, I realize, and for the first time, I notice that the cuffs are frayed. A bead of sweat drips into my right eye, making it sting.
In my mind, I hear Anne’s voice.What did you expect? Did you really think you would get off scot-free after what you did?If I’d been born into some other family, I’d probably be in prison right now.
When the doctor finally leaves, I hobble to my sock drawer, in so much pain that it’s a marvel I’m still upright.
As I chew, the pill gets caught between my teeth and makes me gag when I swallow. Perhaps it’s a placebo effect, but at once my heart rate slows and the pain dulls, though it certainly doesn’t disappear.
I realize that I’m relieved Dr. Rush locked meinrather thanout. Out there, there’s nothing to offer relief.
It only makes me hate him more.
29Florence
“Florence.”
Evelyn says my name like a teacher losing patience with her least favorite student. I had plenty of those when I was a kid. They could always find something to complain about.
Florence doesn’t pay attention.
Florence doesn’t apply herself.
Florence disrupts her classmates.
Florence asks too many questions.
Florence stopped coming to class.
Didn’t matter whether I was there or gone, quiet or loud. They hated me all the same.
“Florence,” Evelyn repeats slowly, emphasizing each syllable like I may not know the meaning of the word. “I want to make our time together as productive for you as possible.”
Evelyn may be the whitest person I’ve ever seen. I mean that literally: Her hair is white-blond, her skin white-pale, her eyebrows nearly invisible (though brushed into place). White tips on her fingernails, crisp white blouse, white-gold wedding band on her finger.
Thanks to Andrew, I know the ring is a lie, part of a charade to present herself as the sort of person who has her life together, the sort of person who has any right to tell other people how they should live.
I’m sick of your lies
As you sit there and therapize
Who are you to tell me how to live?
When your own husband cannot forgive —
You wouldn’t last one day in my shoes
