“I’m guessing… it’s Vermont.”He returned to his duffel.“Point is, you’re not sitting in an empty dorm eating microwave oatmeal or mushy mac-n-cheese while I’m in Jersey pretending my dad isn’t disappointed in everything I do.At least one of us should get a chance at being happy.”
I watched him pack.The tension had crept back into his shoulders at the mention of Jersey, the familiar armor reassembling.
“You could stay too,” I said.“Skip the trip.”
“Can’t.If I avoid him through another holiday, the voicemails will get worse.”He zipped the bag with more force than necessary.“Three weeks.We text.We call.We survive.If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll send you some shirtless pics.”
“Only if they’re headless.Aren’t all sexy pictures sent by gay men headless?But honestly, survival seems like a low threshold.”
He looked at me, and the armor slipped just enough to show what was underneath.“It’s the only one I’ve got.”
Saturday morning, we said goodbye.
His bus left at seven.Maya wasn’t picking me up until noon, but I woke with him anyway, watching him move through the dark room by muscle memory.Toothbrush, deodorant, phone charger.
At 6:40, he stood by the door with his duffel over one shoulder.
“Three weeks,” he said.
“Twenty-one days.Five hundred four hours.Thirty thousand—”
He crossed the room and kissed me.Not quick this time.Not careful.
When he pulled back, his forehead rested against mine.
“I’ll miss you,” he said.“You have no idea how much I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.”The words felt strange in my mouth—too simple for the weight they carried.“Text when you arrive.”
“Promise.”
One more kiss, briefer, then he was gone.The door clicked shut.His footsteps faded down the hall.
I sat on his bed.It still smelled like him.The chess set was packed in my bag for Vermont, and the pea bags were restocked in the freezer.The room was exactly as he’d left it except for the absence that filled every corner.
I pulled out my phone.No messages yet—he probably wasn’t even out of the building yet.
I typed anyway.
Me:Safe travels.The probability of bus-related incidents is statistically negligible, but I wanted to note that I hope you arrive without complications.
Three dots appeared.
Luke:That might be the nerdiest “I love you” I’ve ever seen.
I stared at the screen.My heart stopped, restarted, stopped again.
Me:That is not what I said.
Luke:Close enough.
Another pause.
Luke:I’ll text when I land.Don’t let Maya’s family feed you too much turkey.
Me:No promises.And, I do love you.
Luke:I love you more.
