Me:Not hungry.Working.
Maya:Liar.I saw your light go on.Open the door or I’m picking the lock.
I sighed.I stood up and opened the door.
Maya was there, hand raised to knock.She lowered it, looking me up and down.
“You look like a Victorian widow,” she said, stepping inside without asking.She was holding a paper bag from the bagel shop.
“I am tired,” I said, closing the door.
“You’re miserable.”She sat on Luke’s bed—a violation of territory I didn’t have the energy to police.She opened the bag and pulled out a bagel with cream cheese.“Eat.”
I took it.I wasn’t hungry, but arguing with Maya was an energy expenditure I couldn’t afford.
“You’re still spiraling,” Maya said, watching me dismantle the bagel instead of eating it.
“I am processing.”
“Is this about practice this afternoon?I told you, everyone has a bad day.Getting pulled from a scrimmage doesn’t mean his career is over.”
“It wasn’t a scrimmage,” I corrected, staring at the small pieces of bagel.“It was a fundamental drill.He shouldn’t be missing those.”
“Well, he did.Because he’s miserable.”She took a sip of coffee.“But that’s not why you look like you’re about to throw up.”
“Devon dropped by,” I said.Maya’s face blanked.“Our RA.”
“And?”
“He asked if ‘Lusten’ was breaking up.Apparently, Kayla had money on us making it to finals.”
Maya choked on her coffee.“Excuse me?”
“The whole campus knew, Maya.Devon said we weren’t exactly stealth.They had a pool going.They even had team names.”
I looked out the window at the dark quad, feeling a bitter laugh building in my chest.
“Did you know about this?”I asked her.
“God, no,” Maya said.“I would have told you if someone had ever mentioned that to me.Honestly, now I’m a little peeved no one talked to me so I could have gotten in on the action.And for the record, I would have bet on you.”
“We calculated every angle,” I whispered.“We expended so much energy, so much anxiety, trying to control the narrative.We were terrified of the fallout if we were exposed.And the whole time… the variable was already out of the equation.It was public domain.”
“Austen…”
“I left to protect a secret that didn’t exist,” I said, my voice hardening.“I broke my own heart to save him from a scandal that was already just… campus gossip.”
“You didn’t leave just for the scandal,” Maya said softly.
“I left because I was a distraction.And clearly, based on his performance at practice, I was right.”
“You’re an idiot,” she said, but without heat.
I turned back to her.“Excuse me?”
“You think you were the distraction?You were the support structure.You were the only thing keeping him vertical under his dad’s pressure.And now you’re both falling apart.”
“I am not falling apart,” I insisted.“I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA and proceeding with my thesis.”
