“You are.You’re pulling away.You’re checking the exits.You’re getting ready to leave before you’ve even signed the paper.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” I said, my voice trembling.“I know the signs.I’ve lived them.”
I stood up.I couldn’t be this close to him.It hurt too much.
“My third foster home,” I said, walking to the window.“The Millers.They were nice.They bought me a bike.They took me to the movies.But two weeks before they sent me back, Mrs.Miller stopped making eye contact.She stopped asking about my day.She stopped shopping for me.”
I turned to face him.
“You’re buying the small cereal, Luke.”
Luke looked stricken.He stood up.“Austen, no.That’s not—I’m stressed.It’s the playoffs.It’s my dad.It’s not you.”
“It’s always me,” I said.“I am the complication.I am the thing that doesn’t fit in the suitcase.”
“Stop it.”He crossed the room.He grabbed my shoulders.His hands were shaking.“You are not a complication.You are the only thing that makes sense.”
“Then tell them,” I said.
“What?”
“Tomorrow.When you meet Vane.When you see your dad.Tell them.Tell them you have a boyfriend.Tell them you’re not going to live in a closet in St.Paul.”
Luke dropped his hands.He stepped back.The fear was back in his eyes, shutting down the light.
“I can’t,” he whispered.“Not yet.I need the contract first.Once I sign… once I’m valuable… I can have leverage.”
“Leverage,” I repeated.
“Yes.That’s how it works.You play the game until you win, then you change the rules.”
“And in the meantime?”
“In the meantime… we iterate,” he said, his voice weak.“We make it work.We find a way.”
I looked at him.I saw the desperation.I saw the love.But mostly, I saw the fear.
And I knew, with the cold certainty of a mathematical proof, that the fear was winning.
“Okay,” I said softly.“We iterate.”
It was a lie.We both knew it.
Chapter 26
Draft Prospects
Luke
Coach Harper didn’t look up from her clipboard when I skated to the bench.
“Carter.Stick in the rack.Office.Five minutes.”
She didn’t shout, which was worse.Harper shouting meant she was coaching you.Harper speaking in that flat, library voice meant something was happening off the ice.
My stomach dropped.Ryan.
