Duration of Development Camp: 6 weeks (July–August).
Likelihood of Rookie Contract: High (based on current stats).
If he signed, he would leave in June.He would go to St.Paul.He would be surrounded by press, by scouts, by teammates fighting for a roster spot.
He would be under a microscope.
And me?
I would be here.In Cold Harbor.In graduate school, probably.Living in a beige apartment we talked about renting together.
I looked at the variables.
Luke in Minnesota: Closeted again.Scared.High pressure.
Austen in Cold Harbor: Secret.Liability.Distraction.
A long-distance relationship requires transparency.It requires communication.It requires a foundation of trust that can withstand the silence.
We didn’t have that.We had panic attacks in hotel rooms.We had “just a friend.”We had silence that stretched for hours because he was afraid his father might hear him breathing on the phone.
If he went to Minnesota, he wouldn’t take me with him.Not really.He couldn’t.
He would pack me away.He would put me in a box markedCollegeand leave me on the shelf, intending to come back for me when it was safe.
But I knew about shelves.I knew about storage.
Foster kids know that once you go into storage, you rarely come back out.You gather dust.You get forgotten.You get replaced by something newer, shinier, less complicated.
I closed the notebook.
The door opened.
Luke walked in.He looked exhausted.His eyes were red-rimmed.He smelled of sweat and the cheap deodorant he kept in his locker.
He saw me sitting in the dark.He paused, hand on the light switch.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
He flicked the light on.The brightness made me squint.
“You’re still up,” he said, walking to his side of the room.He didn’t look at me.He started unzipping his jacket.
