“I didn’t want to have sex with you.” He paused. “I didn’t want to because I was worried it’d be filled with the same shame and regret.”
“No,” I said quickly. “No. Not at all.” I reached out, cupping his face, brushing my fingertips over the rough stubble along his jaw. “I’m not ashamed of you,” I murmured.
He nodded, his lips parting as he mouthed, “Thank you.”
My eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and then I trailed my hand down his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles until my fingers rested on the edge of his tattoo.
“Does this mean something?”
He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. “It’s a cover-up,” he said after a pause.
A cover-up. Of a tattoo he’d gotten for her, I guessed. My heart squeezed, but I needed to ask. “Are you sure you’re over her?”
Austin’s eyes flicked open, his gaze locking onto mine. He brought his hand up to cover mine, pressing it gently against his chest, right over his heart.
“I wouldn’t be here with you if I wasn’t. She’s my past, Char. You... you’re my now.”
I swallowed hard, the weight of his words settling over me. “But the tattoo,” I whispered, my thumb brushing over the dark lines. “Doesn’t it remind you of her?”
He shook his head, his eyes never leaving mine. “Not anymore. It used to, but now it’s just ink.”
“I know our marriage is only temporary, but . . . I don’t think it’s fair . . .”
I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I didn’t think it was fair to demand he be fully over someone, to insist that he bury his past like it had never existed. At the same time, I couldn’t stand the thought of being a placeholder, someone he used to figure out what he wanted. I wanted to be more than that. I wanted there to be nothing lingering between him and the life he’d left behind.
Austin softly stroked over the back of my hand, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me.”
“I just... I don’t want to be a rebound,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t want to be someone you settle for.”
Austin slightly tightened his grip on my hand, his jaw clenching. “You’re not,” he said firmly. “You could never be that. You’ve changed everything for me, Char. You’ve shown me what selflessness looks like, what warmth feels like, and how I can still work on myself and be a good person to my partner. And notbecause I’m trying to forget someone else, but because you’re the one I’ve been waiting for.”
My throat tightened, and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes again.
Before I could respond, he leaned in, pressing his forehead gently against mine. “I’m all in,” he murmured. “For you. For us. No shadows, no past. Just this.”
His warmth, his steady heartbeat under my hand—it was all real. I allowed myself to believe that maybe I could have this. All of it.
“I’m all in too,” I whispered.
His lips curved into a small smile before he closed the gap between us, capturing my mouth in a kiss that was soft yet full of promise. It wasn’t about lust or desperation—it was about two people choosing each other.
33
charlie
“I can’t believe that we’re getting ready for our winter break already. It feels like the year has flown by,” Jennie mumbled as we walked into the school together.
In October, Jennie’s car went into the shop, so I’d offered to pick her up. That turned into a routine where we took turns driving each other to school every morning.
“Me neither.” I looked up at the brick building, still amazed I’d survived—and even thrived—as a kindergarten teacher. “But I’m so frustrated they just dropped the news about a new student on me with no warning. I barely have time to rearrange things or figure out how to make them feel welcome before school starts again after break.”
“That’s messed up. Are they going to participate in the Holiday Song?”
I nodded. It was the biggest event our school threw, and I had volunteered to work with the kindergarten kids and the preschool team this year to lead the event. I was told yesterday by our principal that I needed to find a role for a new child who was going to be integrated mid-year. It wasn’t uncommon, but it always added an extra layer of chaos to an already busy schedule.
Jennie frowned, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “That’s a lot to ask this close to the event. What’s the plan?”
I shrugged as we entered the building, the familiar hum of early morning activity greeting us. “I think I’m going to make her the conductor,” I said, half to myself. “It’s a simple role but still important. Plus, it’ll let her feel special without overwhelming her.”
