I turned toward my suitcase in the corner, already half packed for our Christmas trip to Georgia. To Jacob. We were supposed to go down in a few days, but why wait?
I knelt by the suitcase, tossing in a few more clothes. My eyes landed on the drawer of my dresser that held my stash of toys. Without thinking, I yanked it open, grabbed my favorite vibrator, and shoved it inside. If I wasn’t going to be having sex anytime soon, at least I’d have that.
“I don’t know how to make this right.” Austin’s voice came from the other side of the door. “I don’t?—”
I shut my eyes, willing myself not to cry, and zipped the suitcase closed. A strange calm settled over me. This wasn’t running—it was regrouping.
When I opened the door, Austin was standing there, my phone in his hand.
“I brought you your phon—” His gaze dropped to the suitcase. “You’re leaving?”
“I need space. I’m getting an earlier ticket to go home, so I’m going to regroup.”
He looked like he was about to say something, but I held up a hand to stop him. “This is big news for you, and I get that. I really do. This changes everything about us too. Your daughter—she has to find a way into your life, and that’s a huge adjustment.”
His shoulders sagged, his mouth opening like he wanted to protest, but I pressed on. “This is something you and Nova need to figure out together first. You need to sort out what your new reality looks like for Scarlette. Before I can even think about where I fit in all of this... you two need to figure that out.”
Austin reached out like he wanted to pull me back, but I stepped past him, my chest tight and my heart breaking with every step. “I just need time. You stay here and figure it out instead of coming with me like planned. I’ll be back after break.”
I paused in the doorway, tightly gripping my suitcase handle. My voice came out softer than I intended. “Will you be okay? Sober?”
Austin nodded quickly. “Yes,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I... I think I’ll call Dirks and maybe stay with him. Or my mom. I’ll figure it out.”
I exhaled a sigh. “Okay. Good. I’ll... I’ll see you after the holidays.”
“I know this is a lot to handle. It’s a lot for me too. For us. But I need to know my daughter.” His tears fell freely now, his voice breaking as he spoke.
“You do,” I said, my throat tightening.
And I meant it. She needed him just as much as he needed her.
But inside, I was unraveling. A daughter. Four years old. His ex-wife back in town. A secret he hadn’t known about that now changed everything. This fake marriage was supposed to be simple—temporary. Instead, it was becoming something far messier than I’d ever planned for.
It wasn’t just his life that had shifted—it was mine too. I didn’t know how to process it. The guilt of leaving clawed at me, but somehow, the need to get away and think, to breathe, felt like survival.
“I mean it,” I said quietly, meeting his eyes for a moment. “You do need to be with her.”
His lip trembled as he nodded. I swallowed hard and turned away, walking toward the door with my heart feeling heavier than the suitcase in my hand.
39
austin
Just like every single moment in my lifetime, she walked out. She left me. When I needed someone the most, she left.
I wasn’t worthy of being in love.
I wasn’t strong enough to be sober.
I wasn’t ready to be a dad.
And in all of it, I just lost the one person I needed by my side.
I grabbed a bag and shoved clothes in, trying my best not to linger too long inside the house. I needed to get out of here because I didn’t trust my meds—I didn’t trust myself to stay above water. It was all crashing down.
Charlie left. I had a daughter, a daughter I was meeting tomorrow.
I dialed Dirks’s number.
