Luckily, our landlord was too cheap to install security cameras, and he’d be too embarrassed to call the police and have his business in the streets, so there was nothing he could do about it.
“Okay, fine.”
“Cool,” Hunter replied immediately before hugging me tight. “Stop worrying so much. We’ll be fine, okay?” For some reason,all I felt from her vow was the crushing weight of guilt. “I’ll see you later.”
I squeezed her back as if it would be the last time. We were dramatic like that whenever we were forced to part, even for a little while. “See you later.”
Perched precariously on the bar stool of the Diamond Lounge, I pretended to be in my own world as I sipped my cocktail and swayed to the music playing inside the nightclub.
I’d lied to Hunter.
I didn’t go to Pilates at all.
Instead, I snuck inside my brother’s club while he was away so that I could be eye fucked across the long length of the marble bar. It’s been a few weeks since I got the timing right, so imagine my delight and sudden disquiet when I walked inside the Diamond Lounge an hour ago to see the man I’d been fantasizing about for two years sitting in his usual spot.
I’m going to talk to him, I vowed silently. I resisted the urge to fuss with my appearance to ensure that I was up to par. I promised myself that if he came tonight, I would finally shoot my shot, and there he was. It’s the only way I’ll ever know if the burning looks and slow sweeps of appraisal exchanged across the glittering surface of the marble-top bar for the last two years meant something. For my sanity, I had to put an end to this longing that’s been plaguing me for years. Sink or brick—tonight, I’m giving my crush no choice but to claim me now or let me go forever.
From the moment I first saw him, I’ve had eyes and thoughts for no one else, and the dry spell that came from it had me ready to hump a wall. Hunter’s been calling me Miss Coochie Cobweb.
The nightclub was upscale, so even though my crush had forgone his usual suit, he was still mouthwatering in a fitted black shirt buttoned only halfway and an understated but no doubt pricey watch on his wrist.
His identity was no mystery to me, though. In fact, it was the reason I stayed away.
Ocean Kilpatrick was a foolish, terrible dream.
The man had more blood on his hands than God.
Hunter would have me committed for even daring to fantasize about a man like that. What would she do if she knew I’ve been sneaking here at least one night a week for the last one hundred and four weeks with the hope of living them out one day?
The thirty feet or so separating me from Ocean was the closest I ever allowed myself to get in the five years since I first saw him. I was twenty the first time, but my brother had been adamant that I stay far away from the underboss. The second time was two years ago on the night when it felt like my world had been yanked from under my feet. That night had been the end of a chapter I never thought I’d close and the start of my obsession with the bloodthirsty prince of crime.
I couldn’t say why I’d come back to the club the next night looking for him, especially after fleeing in terror, but once I had a taste of Ocean’s attention, I became addicted. I couldn’t help wanting more of that thrilling feeling if I tried.
Most of the time, seeking him out proved fruitless.
But on the nights it didn’t…
We never spoke. Not once.
No matter how many times I offered myself up on a platter for him to feast on, he never made a move. He would just openlyeye fuck me and then ignore me until I felt stupid and left, only for my dumb ass to spin the block once the sting of his rejection wore off. I’ve never been thirsty, so I didn’t know why I kept torturing myself. All I knew was that I was playing with fire, but it was the promise of the burn that kept me coming back.
It didn’t matter what I wore or what I did, though. The asshole never took a bite.
A year ago, I even tried making Ocean jealous, but I quickly regretted it when the man I’d chosen found himself grabbed out of nowhere and thrown out of the club. It was the first time I’d almost broken character to curse Ocean out, but the look on his face that night warned me not to fuck with him, and my scary ass took heed and never tried it again.
I stared despondently at my drink as I felt the familiar doubt creeping in.
Was it all in my head?
“Girls Need Love” by Summer Walker was a dull roar to the deafening drum of my heart. I wanted to look and see for myself if it was real and not imagined—that I was indeed the focus of Ocean Kilpatrick—but I was too much of a coward. I had used up all of my bravery coming here tonight. I’d lost count of how many nights I snuck to see him without Hunter or my brother learning about it. They didn’t see eye to eye on much, but they’d both lose their shit if they knew.
One way or another, this game of ours had to end.
So go over there, the horny devil on my shoulder whispered.Talk to him.He’s only a man.
But like every night that I’ve given in to temptation and sought him out, something always held me back from actually going for it.
Could I handle him? I wasn’t so sure.
