I don’t know how to do this.
It’s too damn hard.
“No, you’re wrong. I can’t be smartandsexy. There’s no such thing as both.”
He brings his hand up to my face and caresses my cheek. “Then be smart, Annalise.”
Hearing my name sends a shockwave through me. I think back to the girl I was before the Satan Savages MC. The girl who was that—just a girl. She wasn’t sexual, and men hadn’t corrupted her. That Lunar was innocent until life took a wrong turn, and I chose to make sacrifices for my family. Unfortunately, my body was what I had to give up in turn to help my mother and brother. It was all on me, and no one forced me. The club has been good to me and my family, but the sacrifice I made at the time was huge.
I know no other way.
My eyes overflow with tears, and it’s all too much to handle as Danger looks into my eyes sympathetically and with understanding. His deep, dark eyes caress my soul, and I can’t take it.
I can’t take that he’s right.
I can’t take it that the place I thought was my home, my safe haven for the last four and a half years, is actually the place I want to escape from.
Yet, ironically, it’s also the place I’m going to run straight to.
I shake my head and swallow hard. Leaning into Danger’s hand, I take in his calmness and look into his eyes as my tears slide down my cheeks and mouth. “I’m sorry.”
He inhales sharply as I step back from him, his hand falling from my face as I turn and race as fast as I can out of the green room in search of Techie to get me the hell out of here.
I need to think.
Think about my life.
And I need to do it away from Danger and his mesmerizing eyes.
DANGER
Lunar turns and bolts out of the green room, tears flooding down her cheeks, and my instinct kicks in to run after her. My feet take two steps, but then I stop as my chest heaves, and I have to let her go.
She needs a moment to process.
I’ve said a lot of things that hit home.
I hope I haven’t fucked things up completely because she is amazing. She’s everything I said and more, and I’m not ready for ourrelationship, whatever state it is in, to end.
Was that a fight?
I’m not sure.
But I know I need to give her time to figure out what she needs and wants from her life.
After seeing how she is with the bikers, I don’t know how she can stand that life. Sure, she’s grown up with it. But still, there’s being a doormat and being respected. Even though she and Techie are friends, and I’m sure it was all in good fun, it felt disrespectful, and I hated every second of that conversation.
“So, ah… that was intense?” Ryan states, slapping my shoulder. “You okay?”
Turning to face him, I nod. “Yeah, just… fuck! I don’t know, man.”
“Look, I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but you and Lunar are getting close and quick. Do you think maybe you’re latching on to her because you’re missing someone else?”
My stomach twists and lurches. I haven’t given Ella one minute of time for a while now because all my thoughts have been about Lunar. She’s a distraction, but I still get twisted up when I think of Ella. So yes, I’m not over her, but I want to be, and surely, focusing on someone else isn’t bad.
“I know you’re worried, but this thing with Lunar isn’t serious. Hell, she’s an Australian. We’ll return home after we’re done here, so there’s no chance of long-term. Don’t worry. I’m not going to get in deep. What happened with Ella won’t happen again…ever.I’m not putting myself out there like that with anyone. Recoil is my number one. Always.”
Ryan nods. “Okay. I’m worried about you. I saw how easily you got swept up last time. I don’t want to lose you again.”
