Life has been a whirlwind. A month ago, Ria finally came to her senses and sought Nate out. She revealed that he’s going to be a father and that she’s now seven months pregnant.Who would’ve thought?But I couldn’t be happier for them. Unfortunately, the whole situation put Alex in a challenging position, since she was friends with Ria first and had sworn Alex to secrecy about her pregnancy.
Ria regrets doing that to Alex now, but it’s all worked out for the better. My twin got his happy-ever-after. Not only are they back together and expecting a baby, but Nate proposed. Not wanting to waste any more time apart, he moved out of our home and in with Ria. If that wasn’t enough, they are also planning their wedding.
Nate stepped up and is the man I knew he’d be. He has put his family first, but with him gone, this house is so big, and it’s lifeless and empty without him. I miss him. Sure, I have Whisper over often and Alex, too, but I find myself spending most of my time at Alex’s place now. I feel more at home there than I do here.
It has me thinking I should move.
It doesn’t feel right here anymore.
I’m alone.
Well, not truly.
I have my bandmates and my brother, but they are settling down. That leaves Alex, who is also trying to findthe one. Then where will that leave me? And while I may be dating, I’m just not sure about any of it.
My mood is depleted, and even though I’m having amazing conversations with two women onLovepessimist,I’m still not sure meeting either of them is the right thing to do. Plus, having to pick one over the other seems too difficult. Madeline and Charlotte appear equally good on screen. Neither knows about the other, of course, and I feel like maybe I’m in over my head.
With Jaci, I spoke to her for a week before meeting her. With these two, I’ve made sure to extend the talk time to get to know them more first before even considering meeting them. Time keeps passing, and I keep putting it off. It’s been two months, and while I know them both reasonably well, I’m nervous to meet them. I mean, how well can you know someone through damn text messages?
Through my own apprehension, I can’t help but think of Alex. She’s talking to Ronan, and they’re getting along fine, but is she doing this just to support me? I feel like we’re coasting, and neither one of us is brave enough to take the leap.
I worry now that I’ve invested so much time into these two women, what if the same thing happens? What if they meet me and fall into the fandom like Jaci did? Then I’ve wasted two months of my life getting to know them. And what if I choose to meet one and I choose the wrong one?
The what-ifs are overwhelming.
The only things that are consistent in my life are music and Alex.
She’s always there when I need to talk, and we have Taco Tuesdays every week, where we stay in and eat Mexican. We’ve yet to miss one. It’s our thing. Why? I don’t know, it’s just us. We’re so in sync. Everything would be so much easier if I knew where my life was heading or which direction to take it in. But right now, the only direction I’m certain of is Alex and our friendship.
For that, I’m grateful.
Music is coasting. The band is releasing a song now and then to keep the momentum going, but we’re not really doing much. I know that will change eventually, but for now, nothing significant is happening, leaving me unsettled.
I watch Danger and Lunar in a state of bliss as their wedding fast approaches. Ryan and Tillie are loved up, and Nate and Ria are already having a family.
Then there’s me.
The only guy in the band who is completely single, and I can’t even say I’m living the rock star life, either. I used to. I used to have sex all the time. Groupies, randoms, I never had any issues, but lately I find myself holding out. For what, or who, I’m not even sure.
Hell, I don’t even remember the last time I had sex.
Fuck!
Now that I think about it, it must have been on the promo tour, which was months ago. I just haven’t felt the need for it. I’m definitely in a funk because if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s fuck. Maybe that’s what I need, something to release the tension. I’ve been too busy focusing on findingthe oneand notthe one for right now.
Or maybe Whisper is messing with my mojo.Fuck knows!Either way, something’s got to give, and with Danger’s wedding fast approaching, I need to make an effort to figure out who my plus one is going to be—Madeline or Charlotte?
Maybe life is telling me I need to do something and take a risk. To take that leap if I want something in my life to change.
Picking up my cell to look over their profiles once more, I glance at the two women. They’re both very different, but oddly similar, and instead of messaging either of them, I dial Alex’s number as I slump back onto my mattress. It’s still early, only seven in the morning, and I need to get up for the day, but my head’s already confused.
“Matt? You’re calling me early, is everything okay?” Alex asks, and I smile, hearing her chirpy voice.
She’s always a morning person.
“I’m okay, just having a dilemma.”
She chuckles as I hear her rushing about. “Well, how’s that different from any other day? You’re such a drama queen,” she teases, and I exhale, rolling on my side and looking at a photo of us on my nightstand at the Rosalie House fundraiser all those months ago.
