Recoil would be lost without her.
I’d be lost without her.
In music, the refrain is the part that comes back—the line you don’t forget.
It doesn’t matter how messy the verses get, it’s the one thing that stays the same.
That’s her.
Alex.
She’s my refrain—my constant.
My beating fucking heart.
I grin as we slide into the car, and I can tell she’s nervous as her foot bobs up and down and her thumbs twiddle against each other.
I reach out, grab her hand, and hold it in mine. “Babe, it’s gonna be fine.”
She sighs, slumping in the seat, and her head falls back on the headrest. “I’m scared, Matt.”
I lean over, place my arm around her shoulders, and pull her into my side. “The doctor said you’re fine. The bleeding’s okay. It’ll all be all right, I promise.”
She exhales and closes her eyes, not seeming to have settled her nerves at all. The rest of the car ride is restless. But at least it isn’t too long before we arrive at the doctor’s office and hop out. Scott and Dwayne follow us in but keep their distance, giving us the privacy we need. I grab her hand while we check in and take a seat, waiting impatiently for the doctor to see us. Again, her foot taps on the floor, her knee bobs up and down in anticipation of the news, and I rest my hand gently on her knee, trying to stem her agitation.
“Levine,” the doctor calls out.
We move to the room quickly as Scott and Dwayne take a seat right by the door outside.
Our doctor smiles. “Alex, you look tense. You need to stop stressing, or the baby will feel your apprehension,” she says, and I look to Alex and tilt my head in a kind ofI told you somanner.
“Sorry, I’m just anxious. I’ve been spotting, and I’m so terrified of losing our child,” she says, and I squeeze her hand as the doctor nods.
“It’s not uncommon for some spotting, but I’ll do a scan now. You’re at twelve weeks, so we can check for a few things. Hop up on the bed, and we’ll do an ultrasound, okay?”
***
After today’s appointment, we came back home and didn’t have much time to get ready for tonight’s dinner at Nate and Ria’s. We’re celebrating our anniversary with them, Danger, Lunar, Ryan, and Tillie. We seem to be getting together more as an inseparable eight-some now.
As four men, we could hardly function, but bring women into the mix and we all work together so much better. Now everyone gets along. There’s no fighting, and we’re all the best of friends.
This is how life should be!
We walk inside Nate and Ria’s mansion, and the first thing I step on is a Lego block. I chuckle as I kick it out of the way, thanking God I have shoes on. Their dog, Mischief, runs past me, being chased by a six-year-old, Sarah.
“Hi, Uncle Matt, Auntie Alex,” she calls out as she rushes past.
I don’t even have time to reply as she’s quickly gone, rushing outside to the pool with Mischief. Alex chuckles as she kicks some more Lego out of the way, and we walk into the living room, where everyone is seated.
“Hi, guys,” we call out, and they all turn to us.
Danger smiles. He has baby Coda attached to him in his baby carrier, and Lunar hands a five-year-old, Lyric, a piece of candy, then shoos him off to go find Sarah.
“Happy anniversary, guys,” Ria calls out with a giant smile.
I chuckle as Alex and I walk in and pull up a seat on their stain-encrusted sofa. It’s so different from how I would have envisaged Ria living six years ago.
“You too! What a year it’s been, hey?” Alex questions and sits down next to me.
