On work.
On my future.
On what I’m doing with my life.
Anything but him.
Sure, I have an amazing job, a bunch of good friends, and people surrounding me, but right now, I feel like maybe I need to reevaluate. LA is great, but I’ve had nothing but bad luck here. The last three years have certainly looked up, but it’s starting to go downhill again, and I’m not sure I can take another beating.I’m strong and have survived much worse than being denied by my best friend, I know that. But I’m beginning to feel like maybe moving wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I know Ria paid me to be here for a year, but I haven’t spent the money. I was wise and banked it, so if needed, I could pay her back for the hours still owed. It would suck having to bail on Nate, but I know Ria could find him someone talented.
I’m running through some invoicing when the door chimes, letting me know someone has entered the gallery. I head out to the storefront to see Ria, and I smile widely as she smiles at me weakly and opens her arms to me for a hug.
My forehead creases in confusion, but I move over and embrace her as she rocks me back and forth, her swollen belly protruding in between us.
“Nate’s been on the phone with Matt all morning,” Ria says, and I exhale, sagging in her arms.
“Oh,” I murmur, and she nods, pulling back and looking at me with concern while leading us over to the red love seat.
“First of all, are you okay?” she asks, and I shrug.
“I have no idea. I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
She nods as we sit down, her a little more awkwardly than me, as she reaches out, grabbing my hand. “Well, they were still on the phone when I left. I think Matt’s as confused as you are if that helps.”
I scoff. “I don’t think he’s confused at all. He made it pretty clear it was a one-and-done thing, meant only to makehimfeel better. That we are just friends at the end of the day.”
She purses her lips and winces. “I know the friendship means so much to him. He doesn’t want to lose that with you.”
“I know. I also know he has those stupid ten rules, and I don’t fit them, so what hope do I have?”
“Without sticking around to find out what Matt was saying, I don’t know. All I know is what happened, and as soon as Natetold me, I came to you because I knew you needed someone to talk to, too.”
I dip my chin, tightening my hand in hers. “Thanks. I feel like such an idiot for going to his house last night. I’ve fucked everything up.”
“No. I don’t think you have. This could be the start of something, Alex. I have seen how the two of you are together. You and Matt both need to think about what you want.”
Shaking my head, I flare my nostrils in annoyance. “Matt told me already that he wants to stay friends. I was stupid for allowing myself to feel something for him.”
Ria scrunches her face in dissatisfaction. “Well, if that is the case, then you need to think about whether you can realistically carry on a friendship with him, especially if you have feelings for him.”
Sighing, I nod. “I know.”
“I love you, you know that, right?”
“I do. I love you, too. And I know you’re right. I need to cut ties with him, don’t I?”
She runs her hand up and down my arm tenderly, but it does nothing to soothe me like I wish it would. “Itwillhurt… itwillbe hard… but I think for your health, Alex, you have to do what’s best for you.”
I take a deep breath, knowing she’s right and that I will, at some point, have to let Matt go.
Chapter Twenty-Five
MATT
Waking up yesterday holding Alex was a bit of a shock. Then her leaving with that deer-in-the-headlights look freaked me out. I knew I’d fucked up. My feelings were all over the place. My head was fucking with me. All I could think about was not ruining our friendship, and by enforcing that, I think that’sexactlywhat I’ve done.
I spent pretty much the rest of the day talking it out with Nate and running through my options. It was clear that something was happening between Alex and me, but I am not sure what. Our friendship is so important to me, and taking that leap over the boundary of friends-to-lovers scares the fucking shit out of me. Because I don’t have the best boyfriend record. Not that I’m not a good boyfriend, it’s just that I don’t tend to keep a girlfriend for long. And if Alex and I were to move into that territory and we didn’t work, I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.
Having sex with her, while the best experience of my life, was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made. I certainly wasn’t thinking with my head, and now I’ve gone and possibly fucked everything up. I have no idea how to fix us. I haven’t spoken to Alex since she left yesterday. I know Ria went to see her, so at least she’s had some support, but I should be there for her. After all, I’m the one causing her anguish, and I fucking hate myself right now.
