I smile because even though I’m in two minds about Whisper’s seemingly weird methods and whether or not they actually work, the guy somehow has me liking him. After a couple of months of not seeing him, he’s been on my mind, and it will be good to catch up.
“Hey, Whisper! How are things?” Matt asks as he follows Whisper to the kitchen. He spots me and smiles, tilting his head.
“Oh, there he is, sexy boy number two. Hahaha. You boys, I miss you so much, like sand misses ocean at end of King Tide, you know what I saying? Come here, let me squeeze demon from you, Nathaniel,” he says, rushing to me and grabbing my cheeks, squeezing them tight while he squints at me and makes a kissy face.
This guy is whacked!I smile and shake my head at the thought. I have to admit, I was feeling like crap after having to leave Ria, but within thirty seconds of Whisper arriving, I feel lighter.
I don’t know how he does it.
He looks around the house that hasn’t changed since he last rearranged it and shakes his head. Putting his fingers to his chin, he sighs, slumping his body. “Oh, boys, thisqiin here all wrong for yourju-junow. Your energy all different since I last here. This Fung Shui all have to change. It all have to move to create good flow for you, yes? And I get sage out too. So many bad demons in both of you this time. Matthew, you feeling so negative, it wash over you like a storm cloud eating you up like a mouse nibbling moldy cheese. It bad, bad,ju-ju. I clear it right up! You not even know I here,” he says while frantically pulling asage stick and lighter from a pocket in his monk suit. He lights it up before we even have a chance to say anything.
I shake my head, looking at Matt, and he smiles. I think he knows we’re wasting our money on this. It doesn’t change theqi—whatever the fuck that is—of the house, but having Whisper here does change our moods, so that’s good enough.
He runs around the house, waving his sage and singing, “Hava Nagila” again, making me chuckle as I look to Matt and start chanting, “Cool, calm, collected.” Whisper glances at me and smiles so wide, like he’s mega proud, and continues to wave the sage over every inch of the kitchen and living room.
I turn to Matt, seeing him finally smiling, and I’m glad.
Walking in from Ria’s and seeing him eating Ben & Jerry’s had me concerned about him. I didn’t like seeing him that way. Matt’s always the happy go-get-’em type, and for him to be failing emotionally has me more than a little worried. So if paying to have Whisper here is going to make him smile, then hell, I’ll pay it myself. It’s not like we can’t afford the $399.95 price tag.
Whisper finishes “Hava Nagila” and comes back over, placing the sage stick on the kitchen island. He takes a deep breath, puts his hands into the prayer pose, and bows in front of us.
“Namaste, sexy boys.”
“Namaste, Whisper,” we both say back.
“Matthew, I worry for you. You eating lots of dairy. Bad for your inner Buddha. You stop eating dairy and relax your chakra, okay?”
Matt smirks and nods. “Okay, but how does one relax their chakra?”
I smirk. I can’t wait to hear this answer. It will probably be something outrageous and cost another $399.95.
“Well, I not only Korean Fung Shui master but internet dating guidance guru. I help you on your path to seeking perfect ten.”
I open my eyes wide, and so does Matt as we look at each other, wondering how the fuck Whisper knows Matt is concerned about being single.
“You know I’m looking for a perfect woman? And I’m concerned about being single?” Matt asks.
“Whisper know everything…everything, Matthew. I one with the wind, I hear and know all. I speak with nature. It speak with me. I am Korean guru, remember?”
Shaking my head, I bump into Matt’s side and let out a small laugh as he stands there stunned.
“You think about it, sexy boy. I be here when you need my dating services. And in meantime, I Fung Shui your house,” he says and rushes off to the coffee table and pushes it back to the other side of the room, right back to where he moved it from the first time he was here.
I shake my head and chuckle as he moves the artwork and vases back to where they were the first time he moved them, and I look to Matt, who still looks dumbfounded.
“You okay, bro?”
He shakes his head slightly and clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “Maybe…” he pauses for a second, “… I should do internet dating?”
I raise my eyebrow and tilt my head. “Matt, really? You’re gonna try finding your shopping list on the internet?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He picks up the spoon in the tub of ice cream and shoves a spoonful into his mouth.
“Relax your chakra, sexy boy. No dairy!” Whisper calls out, not even looking at Matt, but somehow knowing he’s eating ice cream. Matt swallows and drops the spoon to the counter with an almighty huff.
I smirk as Whisper moves the ficus to the other side of the staircase. Rolling my eyes, I give my head a small shake.
Whisper walks back over to us and nods. “There, flow all better. You see improvements in your lives now. You mark my words.”
