I feel like absolute crap.
Sitting in the living room, I’m looking over some contracts and a couple of scripts, but I’m frustrated. All I can think about is Nate’s face as he left this morning.
It’s late afternoon now, and I genuinely feel like I’m having withdrawals. I miss Nate’s smell, his touch, his kiss. But even so, I know I’ve done the right thing for me.
Groaning in frustration, I throw the papers onto the table and run my fingers through my hair when my phone buzzes, alerting me to a message. So I bring my cell phone up to see if it’s from Nate. My heart flutters and my stomach twists as I open the message to see an emoji of a dove. I smile and hit reply, sending a clownfish back to let him know I feel bad. I wait for anything else to come through or for a phone call, but nothing happens.
I don’t want to stop talking to him, so I figure, fuck it! I’ll call him.
I click his name, and as it rings, my stomach flutters with nerves. It rings… and rings… and rings, and I think he isn’t going to answer when suddenly his voice sounds on the other end.
“Hey.”
“Oh… hi. I thought you weren’t going to pick up.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
I pause and exhale. “Oh, right. What changed your mind?”
“Guess I’m a sucker for Oscar winners.”
Smiling, I sigh, shaking my head slightly. “You’re way too good to me.”
He chuckles down the line, and it’s like heaven to my ears. “I am, but they say the nice guys always finish last, so this is all kind of making sense.”
“Nate…”
“I’m sorry, I’m being a brat.”
“I deserve it… after this morning.”
“No, you don’t. You know what you want. Just ’cause it’s not the same thing I want, it doesn’t mean I have to be difficult about it.”
“True, but just because I don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t find you to be an incredible man. You know that, right?”
“Thanks, but that doesn’t help, Ria. Basically, you’re saying I’m great, but I’m still not good enough.”
I gasp. “Oh God, Nate, please don’t think that. You’re so good, too good. I’m just—”
“Scared?”
“Yes, very.”
“I told you, I’mnothim…” I pause for a moment as I swallow hard. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here, just thinking.”
“I’ve been rejected all my life, and, to be honest, I thought I wasused to it. No, Iwasused to it. I just wantedyouto be different.”
My eyes become glassy, the salty water threatening to pool. I shake my head, fighting back the urge to have it spill over in tears. “I’m incredibly sorry I’ve made you feel this way… like you’re not good enough again. I know you’ve been dealing with this your whole life, and I don’t want you to go through that with me.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that if you can promise me, swear to me on something important that you willnevercheat on me, I’ll give us a go.”
He’s quiet.
A little too quiet.
