“Don’t start. It’s self-preservation. I can’t be in a relationship again. I thought I could, but I just can’t do it.”
“That’s a copout, Ryan. I know seeing Tillie in an accident must have brought back some fucking shitty memories, but, dude, you love her, don’t you?”
I scoff, standing from the bed and gathering my stuff. “Haven’t you heard the saying ‘sometimes love just isn’t enough’?”
“Bullshit! Another fucking copout. Dude, when I thought I lost Lunar, that was the lowest moment for me. I know that’s how you feel now. You’ve come so far. I don’t want to watch you spiral again.”
“I’m not going to spiral. I am just going to move on. There’s a difference.”
“Fuck, man.”
“Danger, let’s just fucking go home. I’m sick of smelling like antiseptic.”
He slumps his shoulders and shakes his head. “Fine, just don’t be a fucker.”
Nothing else is said as we get into the car, and the ride home is the same. How could he possibly understand where I’m coming from? And comparing this to what he went through with Lunar is ludicrous.
Yesterday was too much.
Too real.
A permanent reminder that nothing is promised.
Losing Tillie would be my undoing.
I would spiral just like Danger is worried about.
This decision keeps everyone safe, right?
The slamming of a car door snaps me out of my thoughts. I was so lost in them that I didn’t even realize we were home.
As I walk through the front door, Lunar rushes up and practically jumps on me. Her arms wrap around me instinctively as her body slams into mine, giving me the biggest hug humanly possible.
I do love this chick.
“I’m glad you’re home,” she says warmly.
“Me too, hospitals suck.”
She pulls back and looks at me with an all-too-serious stare. “I’m always here… if you need anything, and I meananything.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that. But for now, I’m just gonna go lie down for a bit.”
“Sure, of course, whatever you need.” She lets me go and steps back as I walk past her and up the stairs, heading for my room. The one I’ve been sharing with my…
… with Tillie.
Opening the door, I exhale. The bed sheets are still in disarray from our lovemaking yesterday morning before the accident, and I squeeze my eyebrows together at seeing all her stuff still here. Taking a deep breath, I walk in and close the door behind me, then lean up against it, taking a moment to let it truly sink in.
Her stuff is here, but she isn’t.
And probably never will be again.
But it’s for the best.
I have to protect myself.
Sighing, I step away from the door, heading toward my bed, where I sit on the edge. Something glistens against the ruffles of the pillow, and as I reach up for it, I notice it’s Tillie’s necklace.Holding it up, I sigh and thread the little tree with aqua leaves on it through my fingers as I try to tell myself I’m doing the right thing by letting her go. I just don’t know how things will go when I see her tomorrow.
