“Tillie!” I call out, my eyes frantically searching. For what, I’m not sure. I’m running blind as I race to the broken windshield, my heart all but stopping when I see her hanging on her side, still strapped in by her seatbelt. “Someone call 911!” I don’t hesitate to climb in and grab her bleeding face. “Tillie, baby?”
She murmurs, and her eyes flutter open. “Ryan, what the…?” She looks around, and panic etches on her face as she begins to struggle.
“It’s okay, baby. You’ve been in an accident, but people are coming,” I say as my stomach flips. The blaring sirens down the road knock me back into gear, keeping me from spiraling. “Are you hurt?”
She moves her hands out to the side, holding her up. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Good. I’m gonna undo your seat belt. You’re probably gonna fall.”
She nods nervously, taking in a few breaths and bracing herself before I reach up and undo the seat belt. She falls, but Igrab her, pulling her toward me and the broken windshield. We fall back with a huff, and I wince as she lands on my side. A sharp pain rips through me, but I try not to let on. Bystanders are quickly at our sides as Tillie rolls off me, and I struggle to stand.
“Are you okay, miss?” someone asks.
And now that I have her in my arms, the adrenaline of the moment waning, I feel myself shutting down.
Everything rushing back to me in an instant.
The sounds.
The mangled mess.
An echo of a child crying startles me, and I look up to see a woman step out of the other car and grab a young toddler from the back seat. My body shakes violently, and bile creeps up my throat as I look at her comforting her daughter. My mouth floods with saliva while a ringing sound starts in my ears, so loud I can’t stand it. My stomach lurches, and I hunch over, expelling the contents of my stomach all over the ground.
A hand is on my back, rubbing and soothing, but the wrenching continues.
My side hurts.
My chest is filled with agony and regret.
My head is swarming with a thick fog.
Tillie could have died.
That mother and child could have died.
Just like Katie and Maddie.
Hot tears prick my eyes, and my breathing becomes rushed and hard. Cold sweats rush over me, but I’m boiling hot at the same time, and my fingers feel numb. Heaving, I hunch over, grabbing my knees, trying to get in some much-needed air, but nothing is working.
Suddenly, someone slaps a mask on my face, and a rush of oxygen pummels my mouth and nose. It’s enough to shock me back to the present, to stop me thinking of howtheydied, and tofocus on Tillie, on the here and now. My eyes flick up to an EMT, and next to him is Tillie, who’s watching me with a furrowed brow. My breathing calms as everyone studies me, and I come down from the panic consuming me.
“Ryan, are you with us?” the EMT asks, and I nod. “Were you in the car?”
“No,” I reply.
“I fell on him. He had liver surgery twelve weeks ago. I’m so sorry, Ryan. Are you okay?” Tillie asks, obviously thinking the pain in my chest is a reaction to my side. It is… just not liver pain. This pain is more toward the centre and over to the left. This pain is firmly in my heart.
“How is Tillie? Is she okay?”
“Just a bruised shoulder from the seat belt and a couple of gashes from the glass,” the EMT replies.
Nodding, I exhale, slumping my body in relief.
She’s okay!
“Let’s get you to the hospital,” the EMT says, and I nod, taking in some deep breaths through the oxygen mask.
He leads Tillie and me over to the ambulance, and we climb in. Tillie grabs my hand as he hooks me up to a bunch of beeping shit.
