Not at all.
Not one little bit.
I stand, grab a washcloth, and clean up the spilled coffee as Tillie’s stunned face keeps flashing through my mind. Sighing loudly as I wipe up the last of the coffee from the cupboard doors, I let out another long, drawn-out groan. “Goddammit,” I murmur.
Tossing the cloth into the sink, I head toward Tillie’s office to apologize. I feel guilty for just standing there like a fucker while coffee soaked through her clothing and burned her. When I reach her door, I pause and take a deep breath to steady myself. Then, turning the handle, I step into her office. She whirls around in just her bra, giving me a stunned look.
“Shit! Um… sorry—”
“Ever fucking heard of knocking, you damn imbecile?”
“Sorry! Shit! Fuck! I was coming to apologize for the coffee, and fuck! Now I’ve made everything worse.”
“Get the fuck out, Ryan!”
I rush out, grabbing the door and slamming it shut. Leaning back against the door, I bend over, placing my hands on my knees, trying to regain my composure.
After a few minutes, I stand and rest my head back against her door, shaking it slightly as I contemplate whether to wait and talk to her again. But then, I question what good it would actually do.
Oh God, then the image of her in just a bra creeps into my mind, and my cock twitches again—the damn traitor. Groaning, I slump my shoulders and turn to walk back down the hall.
I can’t wait.
I’m going home.
I need to cool off.
Chapter Four
RYAN
Slightly out of breath as I do another sit-up, I’m only on my twentieth compared to Danger’s thirtieth. Keeping up with someone who’s so physically fit is hard work and more than a little confidence-shattering. I mean, I knew my fitness levels had taken a beating, but I didn’t realize how unfit I was. I’ve let myself go, and I understand why.
Katie would have hated this—to see me like this—letting myself become unhealthy over the guilt of losing her and our baby girl. A twang of pain hits me right in the chest, and I fall back on the mat, clutching at my chest.
“Shit! Are you okay, Ry?” Danger asks, rushing over to me.
“Yeah, just had a moment. I’m overthinking again.” I close my eyes before taking a deep breath and reopening them.
Danger’s face softens when he puts out his hand to help me up. I take it, and he pulls me to my feet. “You’ve been thinking about them more lately. That’s strange for you.”
“I know, it’s this fucking health scare, man. It’s fucking with my head.”
Danger glances at me sideways. “Maybe if you saw a counselor?”
“No, I’m fine. I just need to be fitter.”
“Well, the more you train, the better you’ll get, but I think you’ve done enough for tonight. You’re really red, and I don’t want your blood pressure getting too high.”
“Yes, Mom,” I tease. As I start to walk off, my equilibrium falters, making the room spin, so I throw my hand out and lean on the wall.
“See, Mother knows best. I know you wanna get fit, Ry, but you gotta do it right. You can’t push the damn boundaries. Slow and steady, remember?”
“I can’t fucking win.”
Danger moves closer. “You can do this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way. Me and Lunar, okay?”
“Yes, Mom,” I reply again with a laugh.
