I delete the draft email I wrote this morning.Reservation for two. Jazz Club.
I put the phone away.
I slide down the lockers until I hit the floor. I don't cry. Yorks don't cry.
I just sit there, in the silence I fought so hard to protect, and realize that it is the loudest sound in the world.
Chapter 15
Silent Night
Maxwell
My apartment is perfect.
It is a masterpiece of modern design. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city skyline. Italian marble countertops. A thermostat set to a precise sixty-eight degrees.
It is quiet. It is clean. It smells of absolutely nothing.
I sit on the edge of my bed—my very large, very empty bed—and I stare at the wall.
It is Christmas Eve morning.
Yesterday, I woke up in a loft that smelled of cedar and unwashed laundry. I drank coffee from a chipped mug. I was happy.
Today, I am back in my fortress. And I have never felt more like a prisoner.
I stand up. I go through the motions. I shower. I shave. I select a navy suit. I tie my tie. The knot is perfect. The dimple in the silk is mathematically precise.
I look in the mirror. The Ice King stares back. He looks composed. He looks successful. He looks like a man who just secured his department’s future.
I hate him.
The drive to the hospital is treacherous.
The sky is a bruised, angry purple. The wind is howling, shaking the frame of my Audi. The weather radio is screaming about a "historic blizzard." They are calling it a "bomb cyclone."
Good,I think.Let it blow.
I pull into the reserved parking spot for the Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery. The spot next to the Bentley.
I look three spots down.
The Jeep is there. It’s covered in a fresh layer of snow. The bumper sticker—BUT DID YOU DIE?—is obscured by ice.
I touch the window of my car, just for a second, looking at his vehicle.
Then I get out. The wind nearly rips the door from my hand. I button my coat and walk into the building.
St. Jude’s is disgusting.
That is the only word for it. It is disgusting with cheer.
There are wreaths on every door. The volunteers are wearing reindeer antlers. A choir from a local high school is singingSilent Nightin the lobby.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
I walk past them, my face set in stone.
