“Yes, him.”
She knows the story of course, we’ve been friends for a long time. She moved into town the week I opened the store. She came in one day and never left, basically adopting me as a friend. It’s been years since I’ve talked about Reece, though. I haven’t needed to. My therapy sessions were effective, and if it weren’t for seeing his mom regularly, I could go through the rest of my life in a world where he didn’t exist. The thought of him coming back has triggered my old anxieties. I'm gonna need a lot of therapy in the next few weeks, so I pull out my phone to make an appointment.
“I thought you weren’t going to the reunion?”
“I’m not,” I declare bluntly.
“Then what’s the problem? You don’t have to see him at all, do you?”
“I guess not.”
“You can just hole up in here. I’m sure he’ll go away soon after, and everything’ll be fine.” Her reasoning does bring the awful erratic beating of my heart back to something like normal, and my breathing slows a little. Then she tilts her head and gives mea look that I know from many past experiences means she’s up to something.
“Unless . . .”
I don’t like the sound of this, so I don’t give her the satisfaction of asking what. She’s going to tell me anyway. Thankfully she has to wait until I’ve served a customer before she can continue, while I try not to think about what awful plan she’s come up with. Once the door has shut behind the customer and we’re alone again, I turn round and lean back against the counter, folding my arms while I stare at her sitting cross-legged in one of the easy chairs.
“You should go to the reunion.”
“Pffft!” I’m pretty sure that some spit came out with that exclamation, and some expletives are hot on its heels, but she cuts in first.
“Just hear me out.”
I want to do nothing of the sort, but her crazy schemes sometimes have a nasty habit of working out, so I’ll let her have her say and then I can say no when she’s finished. If I say no now, she’ll bug me about it for the next week. I just nod and she settles back in her chair.
“I think you should go. The best way to prove to him that he no longer affects you is to show him. Then you can have the satisfaction of snubbing him.”
“It’s q-quite obvious that he c-can still affect me.” I grimace that my stutter is so evident. There are some days where I don’t stammer at all, most days actually, but not where he’s concerned.
“Then you fake it till you make it. You hold your head up high and ignore him.” She makes it sound like the easiest thing in the world.
“What if he says something to me, bullies me again?”
“The best way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. They don’t like that.” Clearly she’s never been bullied in her life, so I just glare at her.
“You’re not some lovesick teenager anymore, Holden. You’re a grown man who manages his own successful business. You can just call him out on his crap.”
I think it through. It’s still a terrible idea, but maybe it would help me. I don’t care what he thinks, but maybe I can prove to myself that he can’t affect me anymore. I can just show up, ignore him, and leave quickly again.
“You’re not, are you?” Clara asks.
“Aren’t what?” I frown. Her words have disturbed me from the image I have in my head of me turning and walking away from him, or even better, telling him that he doesn’t matter in my life.
She narrows her eyes.
“Lovesick?”
“Nooo,” I snort derisively. I can’t be, because still being attracted to my bully would be pretty fucked up.
“Good, then you’ll go?” she asks enthusiastically. I give it some more thought. I still don’t like it, but Clara has a way of making me feel bolder than I usually do, which means if I do go ahead with her scheme, I can’t do it alone.
“Only if you come with me as my date,” I say, and she looks triumphant.
“I can’t be your date, you’re gay.”
“So? I don’t have a boyfriend who can fill that role, and anyway, maybe this is a good thing. Reece will think I’m straight now, and he c-can’t make any c-comments.” In my head it’s a bulletproof plan.
“Holden, you know I say this with love, but no one will ever think you’re straight.”
