“Can I just talk to you please?”
I glance at the woman, who leans back against the sink and crosses her arms. I don’t want to say anything in front of her.
“Clara, I’ve got this,” Holden says and she unfolds her arms with a frown.
“Are you sure?” She gives me a hard glance but I don’t react. I doubt anything I say right now will change her opinion of me.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
She pushes off from the sink and gives Holden a quick hug. I see her murmur something to him and he replies with a small nod. As she walks toward me her face hardens and she comes to a stop just in front of me. She looks directly at me but speaks to Holden.
“I’ll be right outside. If you need me, just shout.”
I wait until the door closes behind her.
“Who is she?” They weren’t the first words I’d intended to say, not in the harsh way they came out, but a dark feeling I don’t care to name rises in me.
“Clara? She’s a friend. Not that it’s any of your business,” he says sharply, and I flinch slightly at his words. I deserved that. I start to move towards him but he puts out his hand.
“S-stay there.”
I stop in my tracks.
“Don’t come any closer. Say whatever you have to say and go away.” His voice is hard, though I can detect a slight wobble to it, like he’s putting on a show of bravado that might crumble any minute. I’m not going to ignore his wishes.
“Okay.” I take a step back until I’m near the door again, and he visibly relaxes. Shit, again I’m struck by how much I affect him. This isn’t going to be easy, but then I didn’t think it would be and I don’t deserve it to be. But I wasn’t prepared for the way I affect him, and it makes me feel sick. I haven’t spoken for several seconds and I notice he starts to tense up again as if he’s bracing himself for whatever might come next. Everything I’d prepared to say leaves my brain so I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“I went by your store earlier, but it was closed. I was looking for you there.”
He doesn’t react so I babble some more.
“Then when I couldn’t find you, I went to your parents’ house, but a neighbor said they’d moved. What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t want to do this here, like this.” I wave my hand to gesture at the bathroom.
“Do what?” he asks flatly. I’m bungling this badly.
“Holden, I’ve come to say I’m sorry and I want to apologize for?—”
I don’t get any further as his face suddenly goes a shade of green that practically matches his jumper. He makes it as far as the sink before folding over and bringing up whatever he has left in his stomach. Without thinking I cross the room and turn on the faucet. He convulses, and instinctively I place a hand between his shoulders and rub gently. He begins to twist away from my touch but a fit of coughing overtakes him, and I keep stroking up and down his back until he relaxes and stops.
“Fuck! What happened?”
Clara’s voice cuts across the room as the door bangs behind her and she rushes over. She inserts herself between us, pushing me out of the way, and I stumble back a step. She reassures Holden and eventually he straightens back up.
“Are you alright?” Her voice is full of concern. I can clearly see he isn’t; he still looks green around the edges.
“I just want to go h-home,” he says.
“Okay, come on, let’s go.” She puts her arm round him in support and guides him toward the door. I feel a pang that he doesn’t look at me, not even a glance. Clara on the other hand gives me a glare like this is all my fault, and I can’t help but agree with her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Holden
I’m glad for the first flurry of customers this morning. It helps distract me and stops me from thinking about how much my head hurts and how sore my throat is after retching yesterday. It also doesn’t allow me to dwell on the deep embarrassment that threatens to overwhelm me. If anyone had told me twenty-four hours ago that my life could have gotten worse, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I’d be wrong. I haven’t seen Reece for twenty years and the first thing I do is throw up in front of him. I wanted to act calm and cool, like I didn’t care, and all I did was manage to look pathetic and lose the contents of my stomach. It’s embarrassing, and the only way it could’ve gone worse would have been if I’d actually thrown up all over him. Though that was a close call.
At least he wasn’t awful about it, in fact he helped me, and his hand on my back was soothing. But still, that doesn’t stop him from being an asshole. I vaguely remember him saying something about being sorry. I think that’s what he said, I don’tremember a lot about it, except of course that I’ll never be able to look him in the face again. I can’t bear him thinking of me as weak Holden who can’t even hold his drink. It’s just another one of my failings for him to pick on.
I take a few deep breaths to calm the rising anxiety. It shouldn’t matter what he thinks of me. It doesn’t, I repeat to myself as a mantra under my breath and in my head while I serve customers. I’ve finally started to believe it when I glance towards the door and see Reece just outside. It’s too late to flip the closed sign over, and I briefly contemplate locking myself in the stockroom until he’s gone, but there’s a customer in the store. Mrs. Goodman, a regular who looks like she’s almost ready for me to ring up her purchases. I could duck behind the counter but he’s already through the door and he’s seen me. He comes straight over, a paper bag in his hand.
