Hayden popped up from his chair, but he didn’t go far. Instead, he gripped the back, his knuckles white, and bent over it. His cheeks were pink, and he was breathing hard.
“Is this about school? Are you afraid your friends will find out your father is involved with a man?”
“Like I have any friends left there? Everyone hates me.” Hayden glared at him.
“I don’t want to push you on this. You’ve never explained why you were bullying your friend.”
“He’s not my friend!”
“But I would hope you understand you don’t get a say in my sexuality. It doesn’t work like that.”
Hayden shook his head. He was in motion, taking short steps back and forth on the opposite side of the table. “Fuck you. You’re disgusting. You disgust me, do you understand that?”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Nick’s heart was breaking. Since the moment they found out what Hayden did, he’d been afraid it would come to this. He’d been a coward. While they’d talked about homophobia and prejudice, Nick had never been brave enough to use himself as an outright example, because what if Hayden finally rejected him completely? But now, with no way—and no desire—to hide who Oliver was to him, it turned out his son wasn’t going to accept him.
They’d never been close, and that was Nick’s fault, but this was always going to be between them.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hayden’s voice was small.
“Would you have felt any different if I had? Less disgusted?” He couldn’t help the edge in his words. The hurt chewed at his insides.
“Fuck you.”
“Less ashamed? Less embarrassed to be seen with me?”
“Fuck you, fuck you!” Hayden bowed his head.
Nick was barely holding onto his temper. He needed Anya to come home. He needed to get out of here.
He needed Oliver to hold him like he’d held him last night.
“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. I’m sorry that who I am is so unacceptable to you.”
“Fuck you! Why didn’t you tell me?” Hayden raised his head. His face was red, and tears streamed down his cheeks.
“Why would I? So you could spit in my face?”
“Because!” He collapsed into the chair again, blistered hands in his hair. “Because I’m gay too!”
19
Nick was falling. A hole had opened up in the rippled linoleum of his kitchen floor, and he had dropped into it. He fell and fell with no way to stop.
Far away, Hayden was crying. Screaming. A chair scraped, and feet ran across the floor, and Nick kept falling.
The sound of vomiting broke through his fog. The falling feeling stopped as suddenly as if he had slammed onto the floor. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his vision spun.
Hayden was at the sink, throwing up. His whole body heaved with it.
“Hayden.” Nick’s feet were like lead weights.
“Fuck you.” The same words. So much sadder now.
“You’re gay?”
“Go away.”
“Are you sure?” The question was stupid, but it was all Nick’s stumbling brain could come up with.
