Unable to sleep again and feeling antsy and restless, I get up to make coffee, but there’s knocking at the door again. I storm to the porch, ready to rip Edith’s head off, and tear the door open.
"I swear to fucking God, Edith..." My voice trails off as Victoria stands there, face like thunder. She pushes past me into my hallway, clearly furious.
“Why the fucking hell haven’t you been answering your phone? I tried calling your mobile, and it was off. Then your house phone wasn’t being answered. How do I know you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere, hmm? Answer me that, young lady!"
My blood pressure shoots off the scale, and I am livid.
Yes, Miss
"Oh, you did not just call me 'young lady'!" I snap, waving my hand in front of me, fed up with everyone treating me like a five-year-old.
Victoria bursts out laughing and hugs me. "God, I heard your, shall we say, ‘frank discussion’ with your neighbour as my taxi pulled up. I couldn’t resist! I’m glad to see you’re okay. Now what the hell? Why aren’t you answering your phone, and why are your eyes so puffy, like you’ve had a serious bukkake session with some untested guys?"
“Oh, Vic? Really? That’s gross…” I groan, walking back to my kitchen and grabbing some cups down from the cupboard shelf. Vic takes a seat at the table and leans back in her chair.
“Spill.” She crosses her arms and has a look that dares you to cross her.
“I told James everything, got it all out,” I start, taking a deep breath for the next part. “He’s a switch. He’s going to want to dominate me at times, and I just don’t think I can do that again. I can’t put myself back in that situation. He says he never would and is happy to always sub, but I can’t deprive him of it. He needs someone who can be everything he needs,” I ramble, desperate to air my fears to someone who understands.
Victoria takes a mouthful of coffee and sits quiet for a moment. The birds tweeting outside are our only
Alexandra Ravensbrook
background noise. She takes a slow breath in and puts her cup down, fixing me with a stare.
“Okay, I can understand your thoughts on this. So what happened after that? You ran? Bolted for the hills? Freaked out and left him there not knowing what the hell was going on?” Her voice is a little sterner now, and I can feel her annoyance start to rise. “Have I taught you nothing, Isabelle? Is that any way whatsoever to treat a sub?” She sits forward in her seat; her index finger pointed right at me. “That poor man is left sitting there, wondering what the fuck he did wrong. You know more than anything, Isabelle, that communication, trust, and honesty are the very foundation of our lifestyle. And you ran without talking to him. And this better not have been after a scene!”
Oh shit. She’s using my full name, and she’s angry. She’s been my mentor for years, and I’ve never seen her like this. I can feel myself wobbling again as tears build up, my throat tightening with emotion. She’s right. I did run, and I did leave James right after an intense scene. I was such a bitch. How could I do that to him?
Reaching for my phone, I turn it on, feeling a sudden need to see his messages, to reassure him I’m okay. I didn’t think last night; I just needed to get out. Vic’s right. I’m a horrible Domme.
Yes, Miss
Message after message comes through, and Vic strides over and snatches the phone from me.
“Oh no you don’t!” her voice softens with understanding. “You don’t talk to him until you have your head right. This man has handed his entire trust to you, and you stomped all over it. You will not hurt him anymore. Get your head straight, and then speak to him. Go shower. I’ll call him and let him know you’re safe.”
After drying off and dressing, I feel a little more settled. I come downstairs to Victoria plating up some takeout for lunch.
“Ah, there she is. My little runaway,” she says sarcastically.
“Thank you for that.” I roll my eyes at her. “And I know you’re mad at me.”
“Not mad, Iz. Disappointed.” She smirks. Oh shit. The old parent’s line. That’s cruel. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something. You’re not the only one who’s been thinking.”
“Erm, okay,” I say tentatively.
“If James said his safe word or ‘red’, what would you do?”
Alexandra Ravensbrook
“It’s a no-brainer. I’d stop immediately and reassure him.”
“Hmm. Okay.” She taps her finger against her lips. “Would James hurt you? Or do anything to upset you, do you think?”
“Oh, God, no! I trust him completely.” Her logic becomes clear to me now. I feel like an idiot.
She takes a seat at the table and pushes a plate of food toward me. I sit down, feeling like a stupid child.
