When I turn, expecting James to be on the bed next to me, he isn’t there. His absence leaves me feeling cold. I sit up to look for him and gasp in surprise.
Yes, Miss
James kneels at the side of the bed before me, his hands on his knees, his face shiny with my cum, his mouth open slightly to show our mixed arousal on his tongue. He remembered what I told him and did it perfectly. A feeling settles deep in my chest that this is something we’re meant to be. He’s embraced it fully—no shame, no hesitation. I lean forward, taking his face in my hands, stroking my thumb over his lips.
My lips brush his as I whisper, “You’re such a good little slut for me. Swallow it.” My hand slips from his jaw to his throat, feeling it bob as he swallows it all. I stroke his hair from his face, his cheeks flushed, his eyes glazed as he looks back at me.
Maybe I could really fall for James. He’s kind, loving, funny, and sexy as sin. The way he responds to me in scenes shows how much he wants to please me. But, most of all, he makes me feel safe.
But can I trust him? Can I maybe let my walls down around him?
"I’m just going to get a quick shower. Want to join me?" he asks, rising to stand, his gorgeous stocky body on full display.
"I’ll join you in a minute. I’ll just tidy up a little," I say softly, gesturing at the sheets and toys. He nods and walks into the bathroom. I sit on the bed frozen, my mind racing,
Alexandra Ravensbrook
happy and sated but fighting a rising feeling of anxiety and an urge to run.
Since Matt, I haven’t had any real relationships, just sexual partnerships and Domme and sub dynamics. I haven’t felt safe enough to let them into my private life. It’s always been via the club, meeting up on club nights and then being alone at home or with friends while at university. Being part of a couple terrifies me.
My palms begin to get sweaty as my breathing quickens, the familiar cold chill rolling down my spine, leaving me unable to catch my breath. What if he turns out like Matt? James has said he likes to be dominant sometimes. I don’t think I can give him that. And if I can’t, could he ever be happy with me?
The idea of not being in control makes me feel physically sick. If I’m not in charge, how can I control what happens to me? What if James rapes me like Matt did? I don’t think I could recover from that again. I feel sick at the thought of believing James could do that. I know deep down I’m safe with him, but that little devil on my shoulder, the one that’s held me back for so long, keeps telling me to run.
James walks back into the room, a towel around his waist. "Iz, you okay?" His voice is soft as he approaches me, his forehead creased in worry.
Yes, Miss
"Yeah, sure, just lost in thought. Sorry!" I say with a suspicious level of cheer in my voice, forcing a smile onto my face, desperately trying to push back the panic attack that’s steadily building. "I’ll just jump in the shower."
I couldn’t have got out of there any quicker.
Alexandra Ravensbrook
Chapter 31
James
Coming back into the bedroom and seeing Isabelle sitting there, a look of sheer panic on her face, shakes me to my core. Everything had been fine five minutes earlier. In fact, it was amazing. But to come in and see her pale, hands trembling, makes me feel useless. She had practically run out of the bedroom, eager to get away from me.
My heart drops. She’s regretting this, regretting me. How have I fucked up? I’ve done everything she’s asked of me. If she walks away now, I don’t think I can bear seeing her every day at work.
The sound of the water running stops, and I get into some boxer shorts and clear the bed.
The thought of her coming out and saying she’s made a mistake, that she doesn’t want me anymore, rips a hole through me. But surely she wouldn’t do that? We have something amazing going on here. Even taking sex out of
Yes, Miss
the equation, just waking up with her next to me, her dark waves splayed across the pillow and her soft apple scent filling the air around us, makes me happy.
Having her near when getting ready to leave the house has changed me on a bone-deep level. Watching her put her makeup on, the way she scoops her hair into a messy bun or tames it into a thick plait, making two cups of coffee in the morning instead of my solitary cup, hearing her humming some show tune from another room when she thinks she can’t be heard… it all fills my heart with happiness and peace.
I don’t want to be without her.
She’s made me feel complete again. She makes my house feel like a home again.
I sit, propped against the headboard, as she comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a bath towel and avoiding my gaze. My hands rest in my lap as I watch her move to her overnight bag and pull out an oversized t-shirt, her back to me the whole time.
