Until next time,
Ice Queen skating off!
As soon as I hit publish, the comment counter explodes, and a plethora of responses appear. I pour myself a glass of wine—it’s five o’clock somewhere—and scroll through the chaos.
PuckBunny4Life: EXCUSE ME WHAT?! Thongs?! ONLY thongs?! I need to sit down.
BarracudaSuperfan: Already bought five tickets. Don’t judge me.
Anonymous: This can’t be real. The university would never approve this.
IceQueenStan: @Anonymous clearly you don’t know BSU. Remember the charity calendar incident of 1990?
HockeyMom: My son better not be participating in this!
ThirstyThomas: Your son absolutely is, Karen. And we thank him for his service.
GerardGunnarsonsAss: THE UNIVERSE HAS ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!
SensibleSally: How is this appropriate for a charity event?
BiochemMajor2015: @SensibleSally It’s called ART. Look it up.
JacksonMonroesFan: If Jackson’s doing this, I might expire on the spot.
RugbyWatch: Already taking bets on which rugby player will “accidentally” lose their thong first.
IceQueenStan: Taking screenshots of this post in case the administration makes her take it down.
ThirstyThomas: Someone needs to tell me RIGHT NOW which display case Drew and Jackson will be in. I’m bringing binoculars.
AnonymousHockeyPlayer: We’re all going to regret this on Monday morning.
PuckBunny4Life: @AnonymousHockeyPlayer Speak for yourself, this is going in my permanent spank bank.
GerardGunnarsonsAss: Do we know if there’s a height limit on the display cases? Asking for a very tall Swedish friend!
ArtHistoryMajor: I’m impressed by the artistic concept. The juxtaposition of vulnerability and strength, the trust required between partners…
ThirstyThomas: @ArtHistoryMajor Sure, Jan. We’re all here for the “art.”
SkepticalSarah: This has to violate at least twelve university policies.
BiochemMajor2015: @SkepticalSarah What the administration doesn’t know won’t hurt them.
JacksonMonroesFan: Already planning my viewing strategy. Start with Drew/Jackson and circle back every five minutes.
BarracudaSuperfan: The hockey team in thongs…I need a moment.
GerardGunnarsonsAss: Manifesting Gerard in a metallic gold thong. It’s what we deserve. Can we get him on Broadway as Rocky Horror next?
ThirstyThomas: The real question is: will there be video footage available for purchase after?
IceQueenStan: @ThirstyThomas asking the important questions.
I close my laptop, already imagining the chaos about to unfold. The convention hall will be packed, the athletes will be mortified and aroused in equal measure, and I’ll have enough content to last me through spring break.
Even better, if Drew and Jackson can’t get through this performance without cringing, then I’ll finally have my answer—that they’re toying with me.
