When I get to the room the meeting is being held in, a few professors are already there waiting.
I give them a small polite smile, nodding in greeting before taking one of the empty chairs. A few people whisper amongst themselves, wondering what this meeting is about. Guess I’m not the only one out of the loop.
At eight on the dot, the Dean walks into the room. All eyes are on her.
“Thank you all for coming on such short notice.” she says, taking position in the front of the room. She doesn’t sit, but remains standing as she locks her fingers together. The look on her face isn’t good, it’s one of sadness, and my heart sinks.
Have you ever been in a situation where you can just feel it in your bones that something bad is about to happen? That's how I feel right now. Whatever she’s about to say, I know it’s not good. Not at all.
“We were hoping this wasn’t needed, but unfortunately it seems like it’s come to the point we need to make staff aware. A few weeks ago, one of our students passed away. They overdosed at a party. Not uncommon. Young adults indulge in things they shouldn’t, some take it too far, accidents happen. We gave the students' parents our condolences and moved on. However, it seems like it wasn’t a fluke. The next weekend, not one, but three students died the same way. The police started looking into things but before they could find any information, this past weekend three more students overdosed. That is seven students in under a month. We’re not sure what's going on, or what could be causing this. The police think the students who passed away may have bought drugs that could have something in them that caused them to have bad reactions.”
My body is shaking, my palms sweating. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I can’t breathe. My throat is closing up, tears welling in my eyes.
No. No! Not here. Not my school. Fuck.
This is my fault. It's all my fault. I should have done better. I came here for a fucking reason but I let my own past fuck with my head. If only I kept going with my plan, if I didn’t let Ralph get inside my head, I could have found out who was dealing the bad drugs and put an end to it.
I thought it stopped. That it was over with. I was wrong. So fucking wrong. And because of my fears, these students had to pay.
“You might be wondering what this has to do with you. Not much. I just want you all to be aware. If you see one of your students looking like they might be using drugs, please contact me. We want to make sure all of our students are safe. None of these deaths happened during school hours, but they were on school property at the dorms and student housing.”
I don’t hear anything else, my eyes locked on the table as my mind slips away from reality.
Maybe it’s not the same situation as my old school, maybe this is a whole new dealer who didn’t mean to sell bad drugs.
Who are you fucking kidding Beckham? Of course it’s the same thing. You were too much of a pussy to put your past behind you and do what was right. What you came here for. You’re a grown man, fucking act like it!
“Professor Kennedy. Are you alright?”
Shaking my head, I blink up to see the Dean looking at me with concern.
I look around, seeing most of the staff has left.
“I’m fine.” I rasp, getting to my feet on shaky legs. “I-I gotta go.”
I manage to make it out of the building before I’m running over to the nearest bush to puke.
By the time I’m done, my head is spinning and I feel like I’m going to pass out.
I fall to the ground on my ass and lean back against the wall. Placing my arms on my knees, I bury my face into my arms and start to cry. I don’t care that people are watching me, I don’t care that I’m out in the open. I cry because I feel like a monster. A monster who could have stopped those poor kids from dying.
It’s not until the sky opens up and rain starts to pour down that I snap out of it.
Taking a shuddering breath, I lift my head and look up at the sky. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, my tears mingling with the rain. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Staggering to my feet, I numbly head towards my office. I want to go home, I want to bury myself into my nest and pretend none of this is happening.
No. I want my alphas. I want them to hold me while I cry, tell me everything is going to be alright.
But it’s not. I don’t deserve to be consoled. Not when this is my fucking fault.
My phone rings but I ignore it. It stops, but a few seconds later it starts to ring again.
It must be Alaric. He normally meets me around this time to give me my morning coffee. He’s probably worried.
When it rings again, I pull my phone out of my pocket, not caring about the rain as it continues to beat down on me and answer it.
“Hello?” My voice is void of any emotions, just like I am right now. Numb.
