We have a group chat where they check in on me. I’m not sure exactly what to say most of the time, and it’s still reallyweird. We haven’t had any kind of in-person conversation since the party.
But they’ve been to every one of their classes with me, sitting in the front row watching my every move.
It’s not easy to stand in front of a room full of students and teach when all I can think about is doing dirty, fucked up things with the three young men sitting in front of me.
I’ve had to put vapor rub under my nose so that their scents didn’t distract me. And I’m not proud of the amount of times I’ve had to sit down and teach to hide the fucking boner they gave me just from their heated hungry looks.
They’re killing me. Yet, they haven’t bothered me, haven’t pushed.
And the more time goes by, the more I wish they would. Can you miss something you’ve never really had?
Shaking my head, letting out a little huffed laugh, I unwrap the sandwich, hating the stupid little happy flutter that happens in my heart.
When I take a bite, I can’t help but moan, my stomach growling. Fuck. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.
This is the turkey and swiss sandwich I love from the coffee shop on campus. It's my go-to meal when I’m working.
They noticed? Why am I not surprised?
Once I’m done, I feel good enough to get back to work. By the time I finish the papers, I’m dead on my feet. I’m surprised I managed to stay awake and not crash my car on the way home.
By the time I get my door locked, I’m too tired to take a shower, so I decide to take one in the morning.
The sound of my alarm has me shooting up out of the bed. Thankfully, today I don’t have to be at work until nine. I might have only gotten six hours of sleep, but compared to most of my nights before, it’s more than enough.
After I’m showered, I change and get ready for work.
As I’m about to leave, the sound of my father’s voice stops me.
“Beckham,” my father says, smiling. “It’s nice to see you actually leaving the house in the morning and not coming home at this time.”
“Yeah.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my head. There’s so much I want to tell him. About Ralph and my suspicions, about what he did to me years ago, about the fact that I only came back to prove it wasn’t my father who was dealing the dirty drugs and that I don’t actually want to be a part of the family business.
I think he senses that piece. The not wanting to be a part of the business. He hasn’t been pushing me lately, hasn’t been trying to get me involved as much as before.
I feel like a shitty son, because I think he just likes that I’m back.
“Thank you for coming to the party last week. It means a lot having you by my side.”
That guilty feeling hits me again. “It was nice. I’m glad I could be there.”
He steps closer, brows furrowed. “Is something going on? You seem a little off these days. And you left for that week. You have me worried.”
“I’m fine dad. Just a lot on my plate with work right now. Some big changes in my life too.”
“Really?” His brows jump. “Like what?”
I swallow hard, not wanting to get into it right now. This requires a conversation, not something in passing.
“I’m seeing someone. A pack. Kind of?” I laugh awkwardly. “It’s complicated.”
His smile grows. “Well I wanna hear all about it.”
“I can’t right now. Got to get to work.” I hate how his face falls. “But, ah, are you busy tonight? Want to go for dinner?”
His smile comes back. “Yeah.” He nods his head. “I’d like that.”
“Awesome,” I say. “Ah, I’ll see you then.” I smile.
