Ordinarily I wouldn’t have been so forthright, airing my jealousy like that, but I’d already laid the rest of my cards on the table back in Greece.
‘Mmm,’ he murmured, giving nothing away.
‘It was her, wasn’t it, who vetted me?’ I asked. ‘Only she didn’t go back far enough – she didn’t find the connection to you.’
‘How did you know?’ he asked, his eyes curious.
‘Just something Trudy said –andthat you were genuinely surprised to see me.’
‘I was. And pleased.’
I laughed. ‘You didn’t seem pleased. If I recall, you were adamant that I leave.’
‘Well, that wasn’tmeper se. I promise, I was very glad to see you, Ally.’
My eyes lingered on his as I tried to decipher what he meant, emotions battling inside me.
Hope was prodding me to get out of my chair and go to him. But fear was stronger – hurt as well – both weighing me down like anchors. So, I stayed put. And silent. This was Tommy’s show – whatever line in the script came next, it was his.
‘God, I really thought this would be easier,’ he said, which did nothing to break the rising tension, only added to it.
My heartbeat pulsed loudly in my ears, and I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat. Was this worse than never seeing him again? It felt worse. And I started wishing, more than anything, that he would just go.
Then he pushed off Maya’s desk and crossed the room in three long strides. Kneeling before me, he took both my hands in his, sending a forceful current rocketing through me.
‘Ally, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this – I can’t spend the next decade, or the one after that, or the one after that making the same stupid bloody mistake I made when I let you go.’
‘What?’ I whispered, my mind racing to catch up.
‘I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you dancing on that table at the Turf Tavern.’
‘Britney Spears – “Womaniser”,’ I said, the memory flooding back.
‘Yep. You only knew half the words but that didn’t stop you from belting out the whole bloody song. You were fearless and beautiful and when I finally struck up the nerve to talk to you – which was aleastan hour later – I discovered that you were warm and funny and so fucking clever about pretty much everything that I felt like a right numpty next to you. I was certain you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
‘But miraculously you did, and we fell in love and got married – despite everyone warning us not to – and then I completely fucked it up.’
‘But it wasn’t just y?—’
‘It was mostly me. And I want to fix that. If you’ll let me.’ He looked down, shaking his head. ‘Seeing you on that island… it brought everything back and I thought I could handle it, be professional and just get on with the job but… I couldn’t bear the thought of being so close to you and not beingwithyou, you know?’
I nodded. Because I did know. It had been torture.
‘It was torture,’ he added, and I laughed at the uncanniness.
‘What’s funny?’ he asked with a gentle laugh.
‘Just… you read my mind again.’
We shared a smile.
‘Do you think we could try again?’ he asked, tightening his grip on my hands. ‘Do youwantto try again?’
How could he ask that? OfcourseI did, but as full as my heart was, reality loomed, casting a deep shadow and giving me pause.
‘But, Tommy…how?’ I lifted my gaze and looked around at HQ to make my point.
‘I have no fucking idea,’ he replied, and my eyes shot back to his.
