“If the duke says she went to Vienna with the others, do you have cause to doubt that?”
“No, no, of course not. It is just that she is so little, so young to be alone among strangers.”
Berthe places the clothes she was folding on a chest and comes to sit on the edge of the bed. Her actions speak of a familiarity that may not be appropriate, but I need her quiet strength now. She takes my hand in hers.
“My lady, may I speak to you plainly?”
“Of course. Always.”
Her smile is rueful. “Perhaps not always, but today, yes. I know how much you loved Sophia. We all knew that, the lady’s maids and the ladies of the household. You spent all your spare time with her, you cared for her, you taught her to sew, and she was starting to learn her letters, was she not?”
I nod, viewing Berthe through the soft sheen of tears. Who will teach Sophia her letters now?
“You were her stepmama, and you did your duty to her for as long as you were able. You might even have escaped the castle when Hohenzollern fell, but you saw to her safety before your own. You owe her nothing more. Responsibility for Lady Sophia’s future lies in the hand of others now and you are not in a position to aid her. You have other concerns, a new family who require your love. In time you will have babes of your own, I am sure. I know you will not forget Sophia, but times have changed, for all of us. You must move on and seize the opportunities you now have.”
The tears fall unchecked. I know Berthe is right, her words are those of sound reason, good sense. She is practical to her core and she has my best interests at heart.
“If I cannot take care of her myself, I would wish for a kind and loving mama for her. I love her, so I can desire nothing less. But is it so wrong to wish it could have been me?”
“No, my lady. I do not believe it is wrong. But it is not to be, not now.”
“She is to be my secret then, just someone in my past not to be spoken of?”
“You could speak of her. You should. The duke would not take that amiss, I am sure. He is fond of children, he will understand.”
Will he? I hope so, I am just starting to dare to think he might, but I am not sure. He is fond of his own children, and of those he assumes responsibility for, where he feels an obligation. Sophia would be the orphaned child of a lord he despised. I did not tell Stefan about her before we left Hohenzollern because at that time I was so afraid of what would happen to her, to all of us, at the hands of the conquering army. That, coupled with Stefan’s animosity toward my late husband guaranteed my silence as I sought to protect her. Now, it may be too late.
Stefan has made it clear he expects me to devote my attention to thefamily here at Richtenholst, and of course I will do that. I will do it to please him, and because I am already drawn into my new home and all that entails. I need to show him that I have fully embraced my role as mama to his children before seeking his indulgence regarding a child who is no longer my responsibility and was never his.
I stiffen my resolve, manage a watery smile for Berthe and make up my mind. I will live in the present, and I will endeavour to let the past go. She is right about this. I must move on, I have no alternative.
“I will leave you for a little while, my lady. I believe one of the other maidservants is on her way to build the fire up, though I swear this room is already quite warm enough.” She glares at the flames roaring in the grate and shakes her head in disbelief. We were never so profligate with firewood at Hohenzollern, ‘tis true. “If you need anything just summon me. Or tell the servant when she arrives.”
She pats my hand one final time before she stands, straightens her heavy woollen skirts, and leaves me to consider her words.
My thoughts drift, inevitably, to Clare. Poor frightened, insecure Clare, the tiny girl who Stefan adopted. Her story is a sad one, and has taken its toll. I promised my husband I would spend time with her this morning and I intend to honour my word.
I push my legs from under the furs. Instead of the usual chill of a winter’s morning, this chamber is pleasantly warm. Perhaps too warm, as Berthe observed. The fire must have been lit for a couple of hours at least and the chamber is cosy.
The door opens at that moment and a young maidservant enters carrying an armful of logs. Seeing me awake she tries to execute a curtsy, but the attempt is ill-fated. Several logs tumble to the floor and she juggles the rest. The outcome is precarious to say the least, and I scoot from the bed to relieve her of the remaining firewood.
“My lady, I am so sorry. No, please, there is no need for you to…”
I deposit the rescued logs beside the hearth and return to collect some of the stray pieces of wood scattered around the floor. The maid dumps her cargo beside the grate also and joins me. Together we retrieve the remaining logs and pile them by the fire ready for use.
“My apologies, your grace. I should not have been so clumsy. It was just, I did not expect you to be awake. And I tried to carry too many. I wanted to save a second trip down to the woodpile…”
“I understand, and it is of no matter. We have sufficient logs now, and I suspect it will be some while before we require more. Did you light the fire…?” I pause, trying to recall if I was introduced to this servant last night but if so I cannot remember her name. “I am sorry. Did we meet yesterday?”
“No, my lady. I was in the kitchens, then I sat with Lady Clare while she slept. I am Mathilde.”
Ah, right. The servant who was to be assigned to watch over Clare at night. And it would seem the same maid who has responsibility for lighting fires in the early morning. Mathilde’s duties are heavy.
“You must be tired then. Were you awake the whole night?”
“No, your grace. I laid my pallet across her door so Lady Clare would wake me if she tried to leave. She slept soundly the night through though. Indeed, she was still sleeping when I checked a few minutes ago, but I should really be getting back to her. His grace was most insistent that she be attended. Is there anything else I can do for you before I go? The fire is good for now, as you say, but I could bring you food, something to drink perhaps. Water for your toilet?”
“I should like all those, please, when you are able. As for Lady Clare, when she awakens would you bring her to me here please as well?”
