Letting out the deep breath I just pulled in at the thought, my lips motorboat and I grab my cup of coffee from the hotel room coffee table and stand at the sliding balcony door to watch the heavy, gray clouds in the sky.
“You know I can’t just walk away, Thal, he paid for my college with the understanding that I would work at his business. And anyway, he’s my father, family is supposed to take care of family.”
Taking a drink of my overly creamed coffee, I wash down the bitter taste of the statement I’ve been repeating to myself my whole life, part of me knows deep down my father doesn’tfeel the same way. My father uses people like chess pieces to get what he wants. Including me. I push down the ache which usually follows that happy little thought.
“Giiirl, did your daddy get that memo?”
The higher pitch of her disapproving voice sends my shoulders closer to my ears, the usual feeling of shame and rejection clutching the back of my neck. “He takes care of me in his own way.” I shrug like she can see me and blink at the burn in the backs of my eyes because I know it’s not true, but it helps to keep saying it.
“Honey, it’s because I know you so well and I love you that I’m not going to have this conversation with you again right now. You got daddy issues for sure; I do not envy your future man. Mmm, mmm, mmm.” Her familiar warm, velvety chuckle follows, and I suddenly feel homesick.
Sitting with Thalia and a bottle of wine would make everything better. In the eleven years she has been my best friend, we have had many nights and many bottles of wine to together to dull whatever sting is in our lives at the time.
I fake a chuckle of my own to hide the hurt which always follows my shriveling defense of my father. “It’s not daddy issues, it’s just… loyalty.” Even I can hear the bullshit in my voice, and I expect her to call me on it.
“Mmm hmm, one sided loyalty, maybe. You wouldn’t even be out there forcing yourself to do something that angers and disgusts you to your very core if you weren’t trying to get the same loyalty you give him.”
There it is.
I swat away the tear the slides down my cheek and take a deep breath instead of arguing with her, she’s right. If my father and I had a healthy relationship, he would know how I feel about doing this and he wouldn’t have agreed to send me to do it.
He would protect me from this.
I’ve been trying to secure love and loyalty from my father since I was a small girl. Even my mother made another life for herself, she may live in the same house and put on a smile at all the applicable times, but my parents are only married on paper.
I hear the quiet breath she takes through the line and she says, “I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. It just makes me angry that you waste so much of your energy on that man.” I can hear the warmth in her voice that I would also see in her deep brown eyes if we were face to face.
I drain my coffee cup and enjoy the warmth it creates in my stomach. “I just need to get this done and go home.”
Then I think of what I’m truly doing, destroying these people’s lives, and the sugary coffee in my stomach starts to sour.
“Too bad you can’t get Mr. Big, Strong, and Rancher to warm that inner child a little before you come back.” Her teasing is back, the comment sending tingles through me from the image it conjures in my mind. I wonder what it would feel like to be wrapped in the arms of a man like that. The thought of his hands on me sends a flush of warmth over my skin.
As I sink deeper into the daydream, I hear her dog whine in the background, “Honey, I gotta take Kevin for a walk so I’m gonna let you go.”
Thal named her dog after her long-time boyfriend who broke up with her last year. After he moved out, she hated the quiet in the apartment and bought a dog. I laughed when she told me what she named him, but when I asked her if it would just be a sad reminder, she laughed at me and said, “Even the cheating Kevins of the world need love too.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” I huff.
She chuckles again at me. “Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes. Love ya, mmmwa.” She kisses into the phone dramatically.
“I will, love you, too.”
I lean against the frame of the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony and look at the thick gray clouds. Everything is wet from a constant drizzle and when I press my palm against the glass of the door, mist outlines my hand to leave a perfect print.
The weather radar on my phone says a cold front is coming this morning and could form sleet, snow and ice, so I need to hurry and get out of here so I can stay ahead of it. My father only gave me four days, so waiting is not an option. Otherwise, I will have to deal with Harris.
That’s the last thing I want to deal with.
CHAPTER SIX
ELLY
THE CLERKat the rental car company said the SUV I rented should drive just fine in alternate weather if I take it slow, so here I am, driving into the country in freezing rain. Since I’ve never driven in anything like this before, I didn’t think to ask him how slow I should go.
It’s entirely possible the fact he looked like he couldn’t cross the threshold of even the most lenient bar probably should have tipped me off that he probably hasn’t been driving long.
My GPS says the drive from Tulsa to the Harlow Ranch should take me about forty minutes in normal weather, and it was spot on yesterday, but it’s been an hour since I left the hotel and the further north I go on the highway, the harder the wet sleet comes down on the windshield.
