That I’m a fucking asshole.
Her hand is still softly grasping my forearm. “You think we all don’t know what you do for us?” Her blue eyes volley between mine and all I can manage is a swallow, even though my mouth is like a desert right now. “Your life revolves around this ranch, around us. Don’t get mad at me, but I haven’t seen you happy like that since Sarah was alive, and I want to see you happy again.” She pauses and pats my arm before she picks up the first aid kit. “Call her.”
She leaves the room and my eyes drop to my gloves on the counter. My heart squeezes in my chest and I take a deep breath. I’ve typed in her number on my phone, only to close it before I touch the call button, so many times that I’ve lost count.
When she told dad her business card was in the files, I ended up sliding the card in my pocket when no one was looking. Just having the card with me is one little brick in the canyon of space between us. It’s something.
She lives in California for Christ’s sake, she so far away that trying to make something work would be ridiculous. We’d never see each other making way for all kinds of doubts and insecurities.
My mind spins with potential outcomes, most of which require me being away for more than a day or two. How can Iexpect my family to pick up the slack for me while I’m away?
I’m putting the cart before the horse, she might not even talk to me. It’s been three weeks. There is a good chance she won’t give me a chance to push her away again. I may have blown my only shot. Shaking my head as I look down at the counter, I know I have to try.
How did that little slip of a woman creep right into my heart? If it’s not love I’m feeling for her, then I don’t know what to call it. Being away from her is killing me, and I have been an ass the past three weeks, even I don’t want to be around me, I can’t imagine how my family is feeling.
After having her next to me for those three nights, my bed feels big and cold without her. Having her curled into me made me feel whole again.
I have to try.
Grabbing my gloves, I put on my coat and go to the stable to find dad.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
ELLY
THE APARTMENTis full of boxes stacked everywhere. I can’t even get away from the sight of them by looking at the beautiful view of the city out the window, even their reflection on the glass haunts me. When I first looked at this apartment, it was the windows that sold me. The vintage floor to ceiling windows in the living room with their antique wood and rounded edges was what I fell in love with.
My new apartment is nice, I only got to take a virtual tour, but I know it was built five years ago to accommodate up-and-coming executives that are moving there. It has state-of-the-art everything, so no more drafty windows.
Glancing at my reflection, I swipe another tear from my cheek. I still haven’t heard from Gray. Marley called me, I was so happy and surprised to hear from her and ended upspilling my heart out. She said she would try to talk to him, but that was two weeks ago.
I’ve missed him every day, but it’s been a month, so I’m not holding out hope that I will ever see him again.
I look like shit in my leggings and long t-shirt, I couldn’t even be bothered with a bra today. Don’t even get me started on my hair, which looks like a rat’s nest that’s clipped up into a tiny twist with fly-aways and strands tucked behind my ears. Crossing my arms, I take another sip of my wine.
The doorbell pulls me out of my thoughts and for just a second, I hope it might be Gray. All the way from California, away from his ranch.
Yeah.
Right.
He wouldn’t leave that ranch for anything. Even me.
But that’s one of the reasons I fell for him, isn’t it? His unconditional dedication to what’s important to him?
When I look through the peephole, Thalia holds up a bottle of wine and a cloth grocery bag full of what I am assuming is junk food. I open the door and she breezes past me, with a quick kiss on my cheek, into the kitchen and starts unpacking her bag of goodies.
“I stopped at your favorite cheese store and got that god-awful port wine concoction that isn’t even real cheese and your favorite crackers, I don’t know how you eat that but because I love you…” She looks up at me and sets her hand on her hip in only Thal’s sassy way, but when she sees my face, she stops.
Her eyes move down to the half empty wine glass I’m cupping around the top with the tips of my fingers, in a very unladylike fashion, at my side. The happiness drains from her face as she makes eye contact with me.
She sets everything in her hands down and turns to walk in my direction with her arms out. “Come here.”
The damn breaks and I sob into her shirt. “That’s right, sis, get it out. Get it all out.” She croons into my ear and rocks me with her as she wobbles from foot to foot, her arms tight around me.
When my sobs are just hiccups, I lift my head and look into her caramel brown eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re all I’ve got left.”
She throws her head back and laughs, “Girlfriend, that means you got the best.” She pulls me into a hug again. “Come on, sit.” She orders and points to one of the bar stools under the counter.
