But she’s not mine to lose.
Somewhere behind the sound of blood rushing through my ears, I hear Hallie crying in the doorway and Marley is asking what happened. Dad is trying to soothe Hallie while explaining to Marley.
Smiling at her, I gently squeeze her fingers back. The sound of Sloane's footsteps jogging down the stairs is muffled behind the panic I'm trying to keep wrangled. She almost crashes into me when she falls to her knees and lays the first-aid kit on Elly's stomach and unzips the pouch.
"Got it." She's breathless as she pushes the kit onto the floor and holds the cylinder in her hand. "What do I do with it?" Her hand is suspended in midair, holding the pen as her wide eyes look at me for guidance.
Keeping my voice calm, I don't take my eyes from Elly's when I answer Sloane. "Pop that cap off." As Sloane does that, I ask Elly, "You ready, frostbite?" She nods.
"Plunge that needle into the meaty part of her outer thigh and push the button on the end with your thumb, leave it in for a count of ten."
Elly's body twitches when Sloane jabs the needle into her leg, maybe a little harder than needed in her own panic, and her hands squeeze mine harder. I give her another smile. "Just another minute and you'll be breathing like normal, keep your eyes on me."
Sloane is whispering as she counts to ten and I can see every breath Elly takes is coming a bit easier with each count, but her body trembles harder with each whispered number. I softly squeeze her hands again when her chin quivers and more tears start falling. "You're doing great." I smile bigger and say, "But I'm gonna have to ask you to give me a list of all your allergies when you're feeling better."
A sob chokes out on an exhale that was supposed to be a laugh, but her body shakes harder as sweat breaks out across her forehead. Sloane pulls the injector out and sits back on her heels with a deep breath of relief, and with the loss of the adrenaline dump in her system, a fresh batch of tears starts running down her face.
Elly's eyes never leave mine. "Deep breath, frostbite, breathe with me." I take a deep breath into my nose, and she mirrors the action, pulling more air into her lungs and letting it out through her mouth.
"I'm sorry," she whisper-whimpers, but her teeth are chattering as her whole body is trembling almost violently. I read in the instructions it could be one of the side effects when I bought the injection, but I'm willing to bet it's part side-effect and part alarm at the whole situation.
"Oh, thank God!" Hallie cries behind me next to dad andshe breaks down into sobs.
In my peripheral, I see Marley hugging Lainey Rai to her chest as they all breathe a sigh of relief.
"Come here." I pull Elly to me, crushing her body to mine, and lean my head back to set my chin on her head. "Nothing to be sorry for, accidents happen."
I've got a house full of crying women all in the same room and somewhere deep inside, with Elly breathing against me, it feels right, like she’s one of them. Like she belongs here. The fucked-up reality of the whole situation has me grinding my molars together, something in me wants to protect her, to wrap her up and keep her safe.
She fists my coat at my sides and pulls her knees up, curling into a shaking ball in front of me. The smell of peaches drifts into my nose when I take a deep breath of relief, and I close my eyes as I realize just how close we came to having a much different outcome.
Her body is so small against me and she's shaking so bad, I tell her, "Don't move," as I straighten and pull the zipper on my coat so I can shove it off my shoulders, wrapping it around her.
Rubbing my hands up and down her back to offer some comfort, I ask, "How do you feel?"
Her voice is muffled in my jacket and shakes as she talks. "Like I almost died in a strange house surrounded by people who may or may not like me much." A small huff of a laugh heats the shirt on my chest and guilt squeezes me, making my throat burn. I can still feel her hands at my sides, squeezing the flannel shirt, and she laughs again. "I have to admit, the fleeting thought of what you would do with my body crossed my mind."
Keeping my chin on her head, I ignore the thought of what could have happened and chuckle, "Planted you in the back forty."
She barks a full laugh, her body tremors are weakening. "I don't even know what that means, but I'm going to assume it's nefarious at best." Letting her head slide back, cheek still against my chest, her eyes meet mine and her smile is back.
Fuck. That smile.
Staring into her beautiful, soft amber eyes, I smile when I mumble, "It's very fucking nefarious." My reward is a genuine laugh that hits me in the chest, and my body almost sags in relief.
Her smile slips and her eyes volley between mine. "Thank you for helping me and not putting me in the back forty before now." Her voice is soft and I feel her breath on my chin. I drop my gaze to her lips before meeting her eyes again.
"Don't thank me yet, the day’s not over." A throat clearing behind me pulls my attention to the fact we have an audience, it surprises me when I don't mind who's watching, but I force myself to pull away from her some. "You okay to sit up?"
Nodding her head, she turns and scoots back on the couch, letting her head rest against the leather cushion behind her. I pull my coat around her, it's so big on her it looks a little like a straitjacket, but she pulls her knees up inside so only her feet, ankles and head are sticking out. She hasn't taken her eyes off me and my damn chest warms at the way she is looking at me.
"You keep saving me," she mumbles, her voice just over a whisper.
Looking at the bruised cut over her eye, I think of catching her nearly frozen body outside. Was that just three or four days ago? This little woman fearlessly barreled into my stables with her brilliant smile, blowing everything up around me, and now I don’t like the thought of going back to life before that day.
My train of thought reminds me why she's here and my heart sinks, under different circumstances I would pursue thisfeeling that pulls me to her. I haven't felt this way about a woman since I met Sara. It's such a powerful pull, like she's a little dirt devil pulling me into her force like a grain of sand.
But it's not a different circumstance. She is here for reasons that go beyond contempt in my book. The insistent need deep inside of me that wants to pull her close to me is battling with the truth of why she is here and it’s making me fucking crazy. The constant hot and cold of my thoughts and emotions has me standing on the edge of losing my shit.
