But I do. I lift my head and let it fall back as I look up at the ceiling.
The silent question floats across my thoughts and I release it into the night: Am I doing the right thing, Sarah?
At that moment, movement in my peripheral has me looking down the hall. A suspiciously petite frame does a U-turn in the hall and silently disappears around the corner to the landing by the fireplace. If I knew for sure, I would say she saw me and turned around to avoid me.
Why is she up at this time?
She’s sitting on the edge of one of the two big leather chairs that frame the fireplace on the large landing. Her elbows are on her knees, her fingers threaded together, head down. She doesn’t lift her head when I come around the corner, I shove my hands in the pockets of my sweats and takea step toward her, leaving some space between us.
“What are you doing out here?” I whisper.
Keeping her head in place, I hear a small sniffle before she whispers back, “I was chilly, so I came out to sit by the fire for a minute. I didn’t know you were still up.”
The sound of her voice is nasally, her nose is stuffed up. Not able to keep the distance between us, I squat in front of her, and she lets me take her chin and lift her head. Her nose is red, and eyes swollen from crying. “What’s wrong?”
Did I do this?
At least five seconds ticks by as her eyes volley between mine and then slide to the fire. She sniffs again, and says, “I wanted to be a wedding planner.”
Pulling my eyebrows down, I suppress the look of amused confusion. “I’m gonna need more than that.”
Sitting back and pulling her chin from my hand, she fists her hands on her legs. “When I was a girl, my dream was to be a wedding planner, but I was told there is no money or long-term security in a job like that.” She shrugs her shoulders. “So, I got my MBA with specialties in international business, supply and logistics, and project management.” Her chin wobbles and she turns her face toward the fireplace again.
Setting my knees on the floor, I sit on my heels and say, “That sounds pretty impressive to me. Definitely not something to scoff at,” Gently cupping her jaw again, I guide her eyes back to me, “or cry over.”
A tear falls down her cheek and before she can swat at it, I swipe it with my thumb. Her shoulders sag a little. “They couldn’t even be bothered to go to my graduation.”
Anger spreads in my chest, and I count to ten before I say anything. “Your parents?”
Her head shakes a little. “No one. It was the biggest achievement of my life and no one was there to watch mewalk across the stage or take pictures after.” She throws her hands up and lets them fall back onto her lap. “Not even a nice, congratulatory dinner.”
The anger I’m hiding mixes with empathy for her and I let my hand fall to her lap to cover one of her hands with my palm. “Is that what has you so upset tonight?”
Taking a deep breath, her shoulders lift as she turns her head from me again, looking into the fire. “I agreed to do this job hoping my father will be proud of me, but after spending so much time with your family, I’ve realized I’ve been selling myself short. I’ve been begging for crumbs and now I know what a real, loving family looks like and…” She doesn’t finish what she is saying, but cups her hands over her face.
Without hesitation, I push up onto my knees, pulling her to me. She doesn’t take her hands from her face, but I wrap my arms around her narrow shoulders, anyway. Everything in me wants to make it better, to tell her it will all be okay. She whispers into her hands, “If he knew me at all, he would know I hate this part of his business. And if he were any kind of father, he wouldn’t ask me to do it.”
This explains the compliment the other night.
She wiggles until I loosen my hold and tips her head back to look at me. “You’re such an amazing father, and a good man. She doesn’t know how lucky she is.”
My whole body warms from the inside out under the compliment. I wonder all the time if Lainey Rai will be scarred from only having one parent and always question if I’m enough. I look into those watery amber eyes and my resolve melts.
Cupping her face, I push her hair back and swipe my thumbs across her cheeks. Holding eye contact, I take a deep breath. “We don’t get to choose who we’re stuck with when we come into this world, and sometimes we don’t get to keep the people we choose.” I pause and look over her tear-stainedface, she’s so beautiful. “It’s what we do with what we’ve got that matters.” I tip up one side of my mouth. “And sometimes, you just gotta say fuck ‘em.”
Her eyes go wide, and she barks a small laugh before putting her hand over her mouth. Her eyebrows climb her forehead and she’s holding in her laugh. “Fuck ‘em? Those are your words of wisdom?”
I nod my head once, keeping my face as serious as I can. “Yep, fuck ‘em.”
Her eyes volley between mine for several seconds before her smile is back. “Okay. Yeah. Fuck ‘em.”
The smile reaches her eyes this time, and I can’t resist pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “Fuck ‘em”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ELLY
THE DELICIOUS, sweet smell of lemon floats across my nose as I slide into one of the barstools in the kitchen. Sloane and Hallie are laughing as they work effortlessly around each other like a dance.
