The question catches me off-guard, and I’m taken aback, not sure what to say. Warmth spreads through my chest as I look into the prettiest brown eyes. I slide my thumb across the edge of her bottom lip and wonder what it would feel like tokiss her.
Realizing I may have crossed a line, I start to pull my hand away, but she wraps her fingers around my wrist and won’t let me. “She doesn’t realize it now, not yet anyway, but she’s very lucky. Not all fathers out there are good.” Her voice is soft, and she nods her head again, the smile on her face is real. “You’re a good father.”
What kind of childhood could she have had to get choked up by seeing me show affection to my daughter? What kind of man allows his daughter to feel unloved? Starved for affection?
The kind that holds no reservation for trying to steal a home from a family for his own financial gain. The same part of me that protects my family wants to pull her to me and hold her until the light is back in her eyes, but I smother the urge, my eyes locked on hers.
Even in the low light of the oil lamp, we are close enough I can see the gold flecks in her eyes. We stay like that as the seconds draw out, and I hear footsteps come into the kitchen. We both freeze and turn our heads to see Marley walk through the door.
A sharp intake of air and Marley says, “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think anyone was in here.” She turns and quickly leaves the room, and then I hear her footsteps hurrying up the stairs.
Shit.
What am I doing?
Our eyes meet again, and I take a deep breath. “I need to go check on Lainey Rai.”
She nods, her eyes volley between mine as neither of us moves for a moment. “Okay.”
As I’m walking away, I discreetly adjust my cock that is threatening to bust through my damn zipper.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ELLY
THE HOUSEis finally quiet.
And cold. The fireplaces keep it mostly warm, but not central heating warm. Yesterday, extra blankets were put on the beds, and everyone is dressing in extra layers inside. Marley said after the last ice storm, which knocked out all the power for more than a week, they installed gas water heaters and every room in the house has an oil lamp.
My stomach has been rumbling in protest the past hour as I wait for everyone to finish their breakfast and go outside. Even the smell of bacon and eggs hanging heavily in the air isn't strong enough to pull me into the kitchen with Gray and Marley together.
I still can’t believe she walked in at just that moment.
What was that about anyway? The tingles from his rough thumb moving across my bottom lip stayed with me forhours. Not to mention how wet I was when I crawled into bed.
I tossed and turned until the wee hours of the morning because I was so turned on I needed release. Seeing his face when I closed my eyes and imagining it was his hand between my legs instead of mine had my core pulsing within minutes.
Is it possible to feel worse about myself?Yes. My thoughts keep flip-flopping when I think about what my father expects me to do, for the company. Then I think about this family and the love that is woven into every fiber of this house.
Pulling the blankets up around my chin, I stare at the ceiling and recall when I watched the old TV shows as a kid, I craved the family and love that I would see. In an effort to spare my inner child and push down the hurt every time my father rejected me, whether consciously or not, I convinced myself a long time ago it was just an illusion, something that only exists in the made-up TV world.
That was before I got stuck here. That happy little lie I told myself all those years is just that, a lie.
It’s not made up.
I’ve seen the warmth and harmony of a true, caring family these past couple of days. It’s easy to see they would do anything for each other. Gray’s protectiveness of his family is fierce - something I’ve always wished for.
After I cleaned myself up yesterday, I spent the day inside with Sloane and Hallie and saw a level of maternal love I've never experienced. And neither of them are mothers, well, Sloane will be soon, but their focus was fully on making sure everyone is taken care of whether it’s through cooking, laundry, or just having a warm, clean home.
They are part of a system with its own heartbeat. Each part of that system has a job, and they understand the importance of their part in the happiness and survival of their family and life. And it's enough for them, they don't needapproval from anyone else to be completely happy with who they are. They are family.
Sloane laughed when I told her about my encounter with Kinley and then I laughed when she told me she and Kinley had exchanged words and then fought in the very kitchen we were standing in. With hot cocoa and pancake batter all over them, they had to be pulled apart by Mr. Harlow and Mason.
The burn in my throat when I compare my life growing up to the wholesome comradery of the life this family makes is just a reminder of what I became by taking this assignment. I’m like my father, or even worse, like Harris.
Letting my mind drift, I think about Harris’ pillow talk, the gentle caresses, and that he got to see every part of me while playing me like a marionette, my jaw clenches so hard from the humiliation I think it might break off. How could I be so stupid?
I always felt a sharp edge to his energy, something that made me a little uncomfortable, but his actions didn't reflect that. It was all an act. I didn't listen to my gut, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.
