“You’re angry I’m here,” I said.
“I’m angry you nearly killed yourself!” She yelled, her face turning a deep shade of red. Then she began to hit my chest, beating on it with her fists. “Fuck you!” She yelled. “Making me feel things. Making me worried you’d died! Why didn’t you wait until we were closer!”
Her puny hands did nothing but make me laugh. I grabbed her arms and held them.
“Don’t laugh at me,” she spat. My crazy bitch, Sammie.
“I was nervous is all. You’re my mate.”
“Don’t go getting sappy now,” she hissed, pulling her arms from me and stomping away. Even her ears were red. Ah, my Sammie did not like showing feelings either but I was not blind or a dumbass.
I noticed the broken chain of her handcuff and followed behind her. This boat was large and kept me afloat but I noticed that as I walked on the side the boat leaned in that direction, dipping towards the sea. However, we didn’t go topple over so I ignored it.
“I’m going to need ogre-man to stay front and center while I try to steer us away from the helicopter aiming a rocket launcher at us,” Lapis snapped, glaring at me as he gripped a wheel and twisted it. His jeweled hand pushed a lever and the speed kicked up. I fell over on the boat’s deck and felt queasy.
“There’s a good boy,” Lapis said. “You just keep your green ass parked right there while—” He cut off screaming wildly and the yacht swerved. Something big hit the water. Sammie leapt forward and kicked a lever. The boat’s speed increased even more as Lapis held the wheel.
An explosion went off behind us, water spraying up and raining down on us. The boat rocked violently.
“Fuck this,” Sammie hissed and reached down, pulling out a very large weapon.
“Where in the hell did you get a rocket launcher?” Lapis asked.
“It’s a yacht parked on Monster Island. The armory is the biggest I’ve seen,” she said with a toothy smile, aiming up at the helicopter and shooting. The force of the weapon’s blast shoved her backwards into the railing. The rocket launcher slipped from her hands and fell into the ocean.
“No!” She cried but a moment later a huge explosion came from overhead. The helicopter was a big cloud of smoke and fire, pieces raining down into the ocean as we sped away.
“Well that worked out well enough,” she said, smiling at the both of us.
“Where to?” Lapis asked.
“Let’s find a nice little island to lay low, then we’re going to find a few cruise ships to pay visits to.” I wasn’t sure what all this meant and I was too nauseated to ask.
“Lapis Lane, pirate king! I like the sound of that,” he said. He was a strange human.
“What do you say, Thracker? Gonna be my ogre on the high seas?” She asked. My mate was going to make me spend the rest of my days sick. I nodded anyway.
“Fantastic. Let’s go to that little resort island thirty sea miles to the west and I’ll get a couple more crew members. Then we start pillaging some rich water villages. How does that sound, Thracker?” A large smile spread over my face.
“You sure you aren’t part ogre?” I asked. Sammie laughed. I enjoyed the noise but my stomach squirmed and I started throwing up on the deck.
“You’ll get your sea legs soon!” She promised with joy over the sound of my heaving.
Chapter8
Sammie
Things couldn’t be more perfect. I was sitting on the deck of my yacht and it only had seven bullet holes in it. I could hear the screams coming from the cruise ship above as I sunbathed in the skimpiest bathing suit I could find. It was practically two pieces of string more than a bathing suit. My hat wasn’t quite as big as I’d envisioned but it was good enough. More than good enough because this was all a dream come true.
The deep, resonating roar of an ogre came from above. There was silence and then I heard shrill terror. Once a few of the people leapt off their cruise ship into the water I knew I couldn’t waste any more time. My team got moody if I didn’t at least climb the ladder and set my boots down on the lido deck, waved a gun around, flashed a smile for the crowd, and rallied everyone in to fill our bags with their jewelry and cash.
With a sigh, I lifted my mai tai and pulled the straw out. A moment later I’d gulped the remnants of the drink and was climbing the ladder up the side of the great white beast of a ship. Apparently, it was the largest non-military ship ever made. My burning thighs would certainly agree with that. The gun on my back shifted around on my greasy sunscreen-soaked skin. My almost perfect hat leapt from my head and was taken away by an ocean gust. I didn’t bother watching it fly out to sea—this was a regular occurrence. I’d just buy a new hat, hopefully, one that was even bigger.
Finally, I got to the top and swung my feet over the edge. The sun hit my eyes, blinding me for a moment. Now I missed my hat. I shielded my eyes as I tugged my gun around. Blinking, the first thing I saw was him. Thracker was impossible to miss. He’d always be the first thing I saw—big, mean, ominous, green. Mymonster.
After playing fuck me eyes with his red glare and beefy green chest for a few minutes I finally gave the shivering crowd some attention. They were all ducked down, hands raised to shield their heads.
“It’s her,” I heard mumbled. The sound of my name, Monster Island, ogre, and some other details bubbled up. I smiled wide. I’d won the show and it had certainly made me rich and famous, even if not quite the way they intended.
