I shoved the notebook away with tears in my eyes. I didn’t know what to feel, swinging between pain and elation. He cared for me from the moment he saw me but he’d been so very close to death.
I crawled over to the bed and slid in between the men, burying my face in Pollux’s chest, tears wetting his fur as I gripped him hard and cried. He woke up startled, immediately wrapping his arms around me. One wing flashed out and covered me like a blanket, trying to protect me from whatever might be in here.
Caspian murmured, half asleep, his arms slipping around me. He inhaled my scent but didn’t wake up.
“You can’t do that,” I whispered, my words choked by tears. Pollux had been so close. If I hadn’t been there that day, he’d be gone. This amazing being that had lived ages wouldn’t exist. The only thing left would have been a million fluttering moths in the wind—pieces of him scattered. There would be nothing for me to hold on to like I was right now.
His head jerked around, trying to spot if anyone was in the room then he noticed the journal I’d tossed on the ground. He took a deep breath and relaxed some. His hands cupped my face and turned it upwards, making me look up at him as tears still poured from my eyes.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to cry anymore but I needed to right now. There was an ache in my chest imagining him gone, imagining the apathy and loneliness he had felt for so long.
He wiped away my tears and bent close, dragging his face against mine. He made a purring sort of noise as he did. I buried my face back into his chest, wanting to be pressed as close as I could be in his warmth. A few moments later he tapped me, showing me his open notebook.
“Don’t cry. I didn’t mean for that when I gave you the journal. I wanted you to know me and to understand that you’re everything. I look back on my life and feel complete now because it was all for you.
“I lived a thousand years and I’d live a thousand more. I’d travel dimensions all over again. I’d live ages alone. All to get to you. I never believed in fate but could see it burning brightly in your aura the day you all stumbled into my woods.
“This was always where I was supposed to be and I understand now why I had to take such a long journey to get here. Because you need me. All of you need me. I never imagined being this happy and complete in all my life. It was worth the long wait.”
I took a shuddering breath. I felt warm from his words. I felt light and airy too, like I might drift up straight through the ceiling and into the sky.
“I love you,” I said and he smiled, gripping my face gently in his large hands, brushing my cheeks with his antennae and then rubbing our faces together. His chest rumbled with a satisfying hum.
Pollux pulled back and rubbed his chest with a fist, making a circular motion and somehow I knew it meant sorry by the somber expression on his face. I decided right then and there I’d learn ASL as soon as possible. Something to look forward to when this was all over.
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I sighed, feeling exhausted after crying. Not even anxiety or Makwa could keep me up much longer. I desperately needed to sleep.
Pollux put a finger under my chin and pushed my face upwards to look him in the eyes. A gentle hum filled my head as I looked at them glowing red. His presence no longer overwhelmed me. I didn’t feel sick or scared but comforted.
“I love you,” he signed. I knew that one at least.Seeinghim tell me settled a warmth into my center that spread out across my body. He loved me.
I buried my face in his chest, gripping him tightly. He held me, his wing draping over Caspian and me, pulling us all even tighter together. I started to finally drift asleep as his antennae delicately brushed my face.
“Ava,” whispered lightly in my head, sounding far off. “You’ve kept me down too long,” Makwa said. I felt a pinch of guilt and could practically see Makwa smiling in victory.
“Let me have tomorrow. Please. As much as I enjoy being inside you, I still struggle with confinement of any kind.” I remembered the dreams, his memories, the vivid fear and rage.
“Tomorrow is yours,” I promised, a hushed whisper. Pollux looked down at me, his head tipping to the side. I shook my head and burrowed into his chest.
“Thank you, Ava. Mymistress. Mylove,” he cackled but then went silent as I drifted to sleep.
5
Memories rose to the surface. Faces flashed in front of me, dark eyes reflecting moonlight, fists caked in my blood. Hands, so many hands, all over me, grabbing, holding, carrying me. I thrashed in rage. I knew what came next. My tribe was doing something horrible to me, something I never expected they had the gall for.
The box came into view. I gave a strangled scream that I’d never made in real life. Then again, in life I thought I’d escape that coffin. I was all too aware now that I never did. That I never,everwould. Not until it was too late and all I had was a damp cave and shivering ghosts.
I awoke screaming, trying to claw my way out of the coffin. Arms wrapped around me, too many of them holding me down, and I yelled in rage while kicking out.
“I’ll rip the soul straight from your dying corpse!” I spat in rage.
“Shh, shh. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Caspian murmured into my ear. I jerked away from him but instantly did calm down, realizing where I was. I sighed, the fight immediately sucked from me. Mothman and Caspian clutched me and petted my hair while I stared dead-eyed at the ceiling, trying to determine if this really was the better option than the cave.
I was sandwiched between these fuckers in some whimpering puppy pile of love. The stench of sex was pungent in the air and something ached deep between Ava’s legs that I didnotwant to think about.
“Okay, okay,” I snapped, shoving them away, and surprised I’d let them keep touching me at all. Must be Ava’s familiarity with them bleeding into my mind.
“Oh, you again,” Mothman sighed in annoyance inside my head.
