We all stood there silently as he waited for a response.
“Uh, right. Well, I'm a mess too,” he said, waving at the soot all over him. “So I’ll leave you to it. Make yourself at home! Mi casa es su casa!” He chuckled at himself and then left.
“I’m using the phone,” Brandon said, quickly moving towards the kitchen.
“I’m cleaning up,” Caspian said. He was by far the dirtiest. He’d swam in rivers, slaughtered men, been dragged around, stumbled through the woods, and then maneuvered through an old cave. He looked several shades darker than normal from the caked-on layers of grime.
I looked down at myself and realized how dirty I was too. I felt weighed down by it. There was even blood on me that wasn’t my own. It made me think of the hunters. I could almost feel the press of Loren’s hand on my back, shoving me forward.
However, more than anything, I wanted to wash away the memory of those ghosts touching me.
“Me too,” I said quickly. Clean first, then call my mom after Brandon was done. Pollux flopped down on the sofa as everyone started to escape the room. He stretched out, his legs going wide and his head falling back.
Caspian and I found a large bedroom off the living room. I didn’t waste time, heading straight for the bathroom inside it. He pushed in the room with me, a sly smile on his face as he closed the door behind us.
“Want to get clean together, step-sis?” He teased and it nearly took my breath away. After everything that had happened, having his familiar teasing made me feel almost normal.
“Yes,” I said desperately, pressing against him. He looked surprised, his eyes widening further as I gripped the back of his neck and tugged him down. I was still feeling abnormally wanton. Our lips crashed together and his hands were immediately all over me, pulling me into him, his erection pushing against my stomach as he moaned into my mouth.
I felt something move deep inside me and nearly gasped. I wanted a moment of normalcy. Couldn’t I have that?
I thrust my tongue in Caspian’s mouth, desperate for more. My hands slid down his hard body until I was fumbling with his pants, tearing into them frantically. I went to shove my hand in his boxer briefs but he gripped my wrist, stopping me.
“Are you okay?” He asked. The cheap yellow light above us cast deep shadows on his face.
I wasn’t okay. I was terrified that any moment now he’d realize I wasn’t the same and he’d stop loving me. That I wouldn’t be the same Ava he fell in love with. That he would leave me.
“Ava?” He asked, seeing my panicked face. “What’s wrong? Tell me, please. No more secrets, right?” He cupped my face.
“Would you still love me if I changed?” I blurted. I felt my eyes watering. He looked at me like I was insane.
“What?” He asked. I sucked in a breath, feeling tears collect in the corners of my eyes.
“If I couldn’t keep being who you fell in love with—”
“Stop,” he said, looking pained. “Ava, people change. You don’t need to conform to some ideal for me to love you. I will never stop loving you.Especiallynot if trauma has changed you. That’s not how this is going to work between us.” I relaxed a little but shook my head.
“What if it's different though. What if something has changed me forever? What if I’mtainted?”
“Jesus,” he said, bending down and kissing me. “Ava, no. Stop. You’re it for me. I’ve imprinted on you like a fucking baby duck or some shit,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“What?” I asked, a small laugh escaping me. He wiped my tears from my eyes and smiled down at me. He was so incredibly handsome. He was the type of attractive that you wanted to look at for hours because it pulled you in. The very image of a Greco-Roman man god.
“What’s really wrong?” He asked, pressing my face to his body, holding me close. Suddenly, I felt darkness roil up inside me like a storm over the ocean, pressing in on the coast. It coated my thoughts and the taste of ash was thick on my tongue. What was happening?
“Would you do anything for your mate?” The words whispered from my mouth, not even sounding like my own.
“Yes,” Caspian said and I felt my face spread in a smile.
“Would you kill someone?” Why did I ask that?
“Who?” Caspian asked.
“If someone wanted to hurt—” Cas cut off my words.
“I don’t care about the reason, Ava. I’m just asking for a name. If it’s what you want, of course. Ask anything from me. Askeverything,” he said fervently, dark excitement in his words. “Rely on me, Ava. Need me. Use me. That’s what I want. That’s what I’vealwayswanted.”
“Good to know,” came from my mouth with a huff of amusement. Caspian pulled back, holding my face in his hands. When he looked at my eyes, he furrowed his brow.
