Mark nodded.He wasn’t really feeling theloss, not yet.He supposed it was because his father had been illfor so long.They hadn’t been expecting this final blow, but they’dalready found ways to accept his absence from their daily lives.“I’m sorry too.But just like my mom, I think it’s easier to focuson things that we can still do something about.I mean, she’s wrongin her choice of what to focus on, but…there’s nothing to be doneabout my father.You and Sean, maybe we can do somethingabout.”
“Probably not,” Lucas said.He stared at thealtar a little longer, then said, “The clothes, though.We can dosomething about the clothes.”
“Here?”Mark teased.
Lucas raised an eyebrow.“I think you’re inenough trouble at work as it is.”
Mark couldn’t argue with that.And hedefinitely agreed with the “get rid of the clothes” plan.It wasn’tabout sex, just comfort.But he didn’t move right away.Instead, helooked up at the altar thoughtfully.It looked different than theone at his own church.Less ornate, more modern.But both buildingswere dedicated to the same god.That was the most importantthing.
He wasn’t thinking of converting, but he waspretty sure he needed to puzzle through some idea that was closelyrelated to all this.He looked over toward Lucas and saw the otherman watching him patiently.“You want to get out of here?”Markasked.
“Not if you want to stay.If you need tothink about something.Or I don’t have to stay with you if youdon’t want.”
“I’m tired of thinking,” Mark admitted.“Atleast for now.Right now, I want to crawl into bed with you andpull the covers up over our heads and stay there for about aweek.”
“Sounds good.”Lucas stood.“I’m in.”
Mark eased out of the pew and held his handout to Lucas, who looked at it suspiciously.“Not a hand-holder?”Mark asked.
“You’re serious?We’re in a church!”
“They have gay weddings here.I don’t thinkgay hand-holding is going to cause a big scandal.”
“And if someone sees you?I mean, recognizesyou?”
“My mother knows, Lucas.I’m sorry ithappened the way it did, but other than that I’m feeling prettyrelieved.I don’t need to hide this from anyone else.”Again, heremembered Alex’s determination as he added, “Irefusetohide this from anyone else.”
“Your bosses?”Lucas asked nervously.“NotFather Groban, the guys above him.”
“If they don’t like it they can add it totheir list of complaints.”Mark stepped a little closer and let hishand drop to his side.“If you aren’t ready to do this, Iunderstand.You’ve already had a lot of changes recently, and Iknow your friends aren’t exactly accepting.But I’m ready.Morethan ready.”
Lucas nodded slowly.“Okay,” he said.“Ifyou’re sure.”He stretched his hand out and Mark laced theirfingers together.It felt right.
“Positive.”They walked out of the church andMark tried not to think.Not about his father or his mother or hischurch.He wanted to memorize this feeling, the pride andexcitement of making this sort of public declaration.Never mindthat there was no one in the church to notice them.Never mind thatthe rain-soaked street was almost as abandoned as the church.Heand Lucas were together, and he wanted to shout it from therooftops.He tightened his grip on Lucas’s strong fingers and theystepped out into the storm hand in hand.
ChapterForty-Five
Lucas wished there was more he could do.He’dhelped Mark sort through pictures of his father and listened to thestories behind the different photographs.He’d taken the afternoonof the funeral off work and waited anxiously in Mark’s apartment,ready to comfort him when he returned from the ceremony.He’d doneeverything he could think of, but it didn’t feel like enough.
“He’s doing okay,” he told Elise when sheasked, and he didn’t think it was a lie, exactly.Mark was okay.The days were passing and Mark was recovering.But he’d lost morethan his father, and he was clearly drifting a little.Two familymembers dead, one refusing to speak to him.A career that was stillin limbo.He didn’t seem to be talking to anyone but Lucas aboutany of it, and Lucas really wasn’t sure he was equipped to give theman any real help.
He’d stopped working so many hours at thefarm in order to spend more time with Mark and he was cleaning upfor the day when he saw an unfamiliar car pull into the drive.Elise was in town and Alex was somewhere around the back of thebarn so Lucas stepped forward to greet the new arrival.He stoppedmoving when the car door swung open and he saw the driver.
Mark’s mother didn’t even glance around her.Her gaze was locked onto Lucas like a falcon spotting a fieldmouse.He tried not to step backward as she picked her way acrossthe gravel driveway toward him.
“I want to talk to you,” she said firmly.“Privately.”
He couldn’t help it—he backed up a little.“What about?”But did it matter?It wasn’t like he was going torefuse a simple request from this woman.“This is pretty private,probably.Alex is around somewhere, but—”
“Fine.I want to talk to you about myson.”
Well, that wasn’t surprising.There reallywasn’t anything else the two of them had in common.“What abouthim?”Lucas asked cautiously.
“I want to make sure you know how unhappy heis right now.”
Lucas wasn’t sure he’d seen that.ObviouslyMark was struggling with the loss of his father and was worriedabout the rift with his mother, but… “He seems okay.”
“Does he?And you’re basing that opinion onthe long years you’ve known him?The vast experience you’ve hadwith his emotions and behavior?”
