“Or we could just fuck,” Lucas said with morecertainty.“I don’t know about all this sin stuff, but you could beforgiven if it was a sin, couldn’t you?I mean, get it out of yoursystem, repent or whatever, and move on.Wouldn’t that work?”
“I can’t really take that approach tothings,” Mark said carefully.“That’s not how I work, not howrepentance is supposed to work.”He looked at Lucas and added, “Andit’s not just the church, not just the rules.I’m notlookingfor a loophole.I believe that sex is a beautifulthing that should be shared between people who truly care for eachother.I don’t want to have sex without an emotionalconnection.”
Lucas was quiet for a moment.“Blowjobs?”hesuggested hopefully.“Does that count as sex?Or we could do otherstuff.You know, be the ‘everything but’ types.”
Mark was starting to look pretty unhappy, andLucas really didn’t like it.“Because an emotional connection withme is so impossible?Because you’re completely uninterested inspending time getting to know me?”
“Don’t be stupid,” Lucas retorted.“This isaboutyou.You know this is a bad idea but for some reasonyou’re ignoring your common sense.Me?It doesn’t matter what I do,or who I do it with.The beauty of having nothing to lose—there’s alot of freedom that goes with it.But you…”
“Letmeworry about me.”Mark pushedaway from the car and stood straight and tall.“I’d like to takeyou out to dinner, Lucas.If you don’t want to go out with me, sayso.Otherwise, tell me when and where.”
Lucas knew what he should say.Even if it wasa lie, he should say it.But he wasn’t strong enough to deny thetruth.Instead, he deflected.“You really think either of us isgoing to be able to enjoy a meal with everyone in the restaurantstaring at us and talking?”
“I already thought about that.We can go downto the city, somewhere nobody knows anything about anything.”
Finally Mark was displaying at least a littlesense, but Lucas shook his head anyway.“I need to be here forafternoon feeding until five o’clock, and I have a nine o’clockcurfew.Allowing for traffic, the city’s two hours away.That wouldleave us with zero minutes for eating.”He shook his head at Mark’sexpression.“Are you starting to see what a bad idea this is?”
“You could get time off work if you reallywanted to,” Mark said.“You’re only getting paid for about half ofyour hours anyway.But…” He raised a hand to forestall Lucas’sobjection.“That’s fine.You’ve made commitments, and I respectthat.So we can eat at my place.I’m not a great cook, but I’ve gota few specialties.You could come over right after work, eat, talk,and still be back to the house in time for curfew.”
It sounded so easy.Sounded like somethingpeople did when they had lives, and friends, and weren’t justtrying to get through each day without messing up.It was seductiveand terrifying.Lucas knew he had to be smart.He had to say no.Instead, he said, “Not right after work.I should get cleanedup.”
For the first time in too long, Mark smiled.“Yeah, okay.So that’s a yes?You’ll come over after you’ve gottencleaned up?How about tonight?”
Lucas nodded shakily.This was a mistake.Mark could get hurt, but so could Lucas.He didn’t want to get tooattached to something that they both knew was a bad idea.But asMark shuffled in closer, Lucas knew he couldn’t back away.He stoodstill, let Mark find his hands and wrap their fingers together, andopened his lips as Mark kissed him sweetly.“We’ll figure it out,”Mark murmured between kisses.
Lucas knew they wouldn’t.The whole thing wasdoomed before it even started, and the further along they made itbefore it fell apart, the more devastating the wreckage would be.He knew all that but he still returned Mark’s kisses.“Okay,” hesaid.Sometimes it was easiest to just pretend.
ChapterThirty-Eight
Mark should have known better.He fanned thesmoky air with a magazine, trying to send as much out the window aspossible, and refused to look at the blackened mess in the pan bythe stove.It all should have worked out.He’d done the hard part,turned the sauce down to simmer, and had a quick shower.But thenhe’d come out of the bathroom to find a smoking mess with the dialon the stove turned to “high”, not “low”.He’d obviously turned itin the wrong direction.
The buzzer sounded, announcing a visitor, andhe swore softly.He wasn’t even dressed.He’d known he’d be tightfor time, that was why he’d been multitasking…
“Hello,” he said into the intercom.
“It’s me,” came the voice from the wall.“Lucas.”
Of course it was.Mark looked franticallyaround the apartment as he hit the buzzer, then crossed quickly tothe door and pulled it slightly open so Lucas would be able to getin.Mark scampered toward the bedroom, then.At least he’d alreadygotten his clothes laid out, so they wouldn’t take long to puton.
That was when the smoke alarm went off.Probably not a good sign that it had taken so long, in terms ofsafety, but Mark couldn’t worry about delayed warning systems, notright then.The buzzing was so loud it was hard to think.He wavedthe magazine desperately beneath the plastic cover of the infernaldevice and was pretty sure that the sound was actually gettinglouder.It was coming at him in waves, each one reaching furtherinto his brain, twisting things around a little more…
He felt himself shoved gently to the side andwatched in dazed confusion as Lucas efficiently grabbed a diningroom chair and stepped up on it, reached for the fire alarm and hita button on its face.The quiet was like a blessing and Mark wasstarting to feel more in control of things until he saw Lucasstaring down at him and realized that he was wearing only atowel.
“Everything okay?”Lucas asked, and there wasenough of a grin on his face to make Mark relax considerably.
“Completely,” he replied.“Everything’s justfine.This is all part of the plan.”
“Crafty.”Lucas stepped down but didn’treplace the chair at the table.“Your alarm’s hardwired in,” heexplained.“I can’t take the battery out, so I just hit the reset.It’ll go off again in a couple minutes if we don’t get the aircleared.”
Mark supposed he should have known allthat.
“Have you got a fan in the bathroom?”
Mark nodded.
“Is it on?”
Mark shook his head.
