Berton’s gaze was intent, and Mark felt hisstomach churn.His intentions were pure, but if someone wanted tomake him look bad?If someone was willing to look at every one ofhis actions with a high-powered magnifying glass?He could be introuble.“I don’t know,” he confessed, and apparently that was whatBerton had been looking for.
“We’re running our internal investigation,and our legal counsel will advise you if you wish.”Berton shookhis head.“But until this is cleared up, you’re on paid leave fromyour position.If you wish to spend time at one of our retreats, wewill support you as you seek wisdom.But you are not to perform anyduties as a priest of the Anglican church, not until this isresolved.At that time, there will be a review of your position andplacement.”
“You should probably get your own lawyer,”Tisdale added.“To be safe.”
“A review?”Mark tried to think.“Wait, howlong do you think the investigation is going to take?And…my ownlawyer?Do I need that?”
“I strongly advise it,” Tisdale said firmly.“I don’t see criminal charges arising from this, but you neverknow.And in other matters…” She paused and waited for his fullattention before saying, “Your interests and the interests of thechurch may not line up as completely as you would hope.”
It took a moment for that to sink in.“You’resaying they might throw me under the bus?”
But Tisdale raised her hands in disavowal.“They will support you as far as is required by employment law, andthey will support you beyond that as long as they feel that is itin the best interests of the church as a whole to do so.Do youunderstand?”
“I need my own lawyer,” he said dully.
“You do.”Her voice was softer now.“I don’tthink we’re doubting your good intentions, Father Webber.But asDr.Berton said, the church is in a very precarious position rightnow.Mr.Wilson has given every sign that he plans to make a bigdeal out of this, and the church does not want that.”
“If you’d let your rector handle it wewouldn’t be in this mess.”Berton’s smugness was beginning to wearon Mark’s temper.
“I got a call.Alex wanted to talk to me.Hewasn’t going to talk to Terry, and he wasn’t going to talk to hisdad.He needed help, so I did what I could.”He leaned back in hischair and addressed himself to Tisdale, ignoring Berton ascompletely as he could.“I understand that it probably wasn’t theway the church would have wanted things handled.But I did nothingto endanger the kid, and it’s all worked out well.He’s been in hisnew home for almost a week, and he’s happy.It’s a goodending.”
“I’m sorry, Father Webber, but…I don’t thinkwe’re at the end.Not yet.”And they weren’t.Tisdale startedshuffling papers, having Mark sign things, asking more questions,and it ended up being more than two hours before he made it out ofthe office building.
His head was spinning as he slunk out to theparking lot.Terry was waiting in the car for him, and one look atthe older man’s face made it clear that he knew what Mark had beentold in the meeting.He’d probably known all day, and that was whyhe’d insisted on driving Mark down to the city himself.There hadbeen a few tense moments when Terry had first learned about Mark’sdisobedience but the older priest was a forgiving man and hadobviously chosen to support his protégé despite theirdifferences.
Mark was just glad to see a friendly face.Heslid into the passenger seat, shut the door, and closed hiseyes.
They sat in silence for a while, and thenTerry said, “It’s a volatile time for the church.”He didn’t turnthe car on.“They’re scrambling to survive.They’re not afraid ofthe lawsuit, they’re afraid of the publicity.”He shifted in hisseat and Mark opened his eyes to see his friend looking at himintently.“You’ve got to look at this in the larger context.Andyou’ve got to consider that maybe this is…maybe they’re jumping onthis harder than they need to because they want to put somepressure on you.Maybe, given the incredibly delicate balancing actthey’re doing, they don’t need one of their own rocking the boat.They might not want a gay priest insisting on things moving fasterthan they want them to move.”
Mark blinked once, then again, and Terrywaited patiently.“You’re saying this is about more than Mr.Wilson?This is part of some plan to get rid of me?”
Terry shrugged.“I don’t know for sure.MaybeI shouldn’t have said anything, but I wanted you to understand.Iwanted you to realize there’s always larger forces at work.TheAnglican church used to rival the crown for power in England andthere’s still always a political side to anything that happens atthe higher levels.They’re working so hard to avoid a full schismwith the more conservative churches that I don’t think they’refocusing on much else at all.”He sighed.“I think you were right,back in the spring.You should have been the one to be named to theInclusion and Equity panel.Andrew Sealy didn’t even want the job,and he’s overloaded with committee work as it is.When they chosehim…it wasn’t a good sign, Mark.”
“They can’t fire me for being gay.”Hesounded like a little boy protesting some unfairness on theplayground, but still, he knew his rights.
“No, they can’t.They can’t do much to you,really, not without destroying that same delicate balance thatthey’ve been trying to preserve.But Mark, what if they transferredyou to a job where you weren’t able to work with parishioners?Somewhere in the bureaucracy, doing paperwork all day?They’d befollowing the rules, not giving the more liberal parishes anythingto complain about, but…”
Mark felt as if he’d been punched.He’d bemiserable working in an office all day, without having theopportunity to help people.But even worse than contemplating thatbleak future was the possibility that this might be something thatthe church would do to him deliberately.Sure, there were timeswhen he’d been impatient with his superiors and with the glacialspeed with which change was coming, but his impatience had neverbeen enough to shake his loyalty.He’d fought to make the churchbetter because he loved it.There was a roiling knot in his stomachat the thought that his love was not returned.
“It’s speculation.”Terry spoke quietly.“Iprobably shouldn’t have said anything.But I wanted you to thinkabout it.If you decide that you want to be…quieter.More obedient.I think I can make a case with the bishop that you should be givenanother chance.But I think you really need to think about it all.Can you be the priest you want to be if you’re not speaking out onthe issues you care about?How much are you willing to give up tostay in the position you want?”
It was a good question, and one for whichMark had no answer.It was terrifying to think that he might haveto find one sometime soon.
ChapterTwenty-Seven
“I told him to go fuck himself.”Darren Sammssmiled beatifically and took a sip of his coffee.“Not in quitethose words, but pretty damned close.I told him that you helpingout a kid in need was a sign that you were reintegrating just fine,not a sign that you were a danger to the community.I told him ifhe thought you’d committed a crime he should go to the cops, andthey could talk to me about it.But I’m not going to violatesomeone’s parole because some homophobic redneck has got a stupidgrudge.Not when you’re doing as well as you are.”
Lucas felt the same swell of confusion heexperienced whenever someone said something nice about him.It wasrude to disagree with them, but it didn’t feel right to let themkeep believing something that just wasn’t true.“Thank you,” hemanaged.
“I should be thanking you.My job’d be a loteasier if everyone on my caseload kept their noses as clean asyours is.”He leaned back in the cheap lawn chair Alex usually satin.“I could just drop by their worksites, have some coffee, catchsome rays, and head on home.”
Lucas tried to relax into his own lawn chair.He’d gotten to work early and finished all the really essentialjobs before Darren had arrived, but he still felt guilty for takinga break during his paid hours.Still, the parole officer apparentlywanted to chat for a bit, and Lucas figured he’d better follow thatlead.“I guess they wouldn’t keep paying you forever, if there wasnothing for you to do.”
Darren’s laugh was out of proportion to thehumor in Lucas’s comment, but that was just the way things seemedto be with Darren.Everything was oversized.Including the gulpwith which he finished the last of his coffee.“You’re right.I’dbetter get back to it if I want to earn my keep.”He heaved himselfto his feet and Lucas rose to stand next to him.“Good work, Lucas.You’re doing well.”Then his face grew a little more serious.“Look, Lucas, you’re not going to have any trouble from me on thedad thing, not unless there’s a lot more to it than I’m seeing sofar.But…”
“Yeah.”Lucas didn’t need it spelled out forhim.“I know.”
Darren squinted at him for a moment, thennodded.“Yeah, I guess you do.This town is like any other—there’sgood and bad.You’ve met good cops, and you’ve met a couplewho…well, a couple who maybe thought they were doing the rightthing.You’ve met people who want to help you out”—and he jerkedhis head in the direction of Elise’s house—“people who don’t caremuch but don’t want to take the chance, and maybe a few who’d liketo see you fall.You just need to remember that there’s one more inthat last category now, and he seems like he’s ready to work prettyhard to make something happen.Just because he didn’t get what hewanted from me doesn’t mean he’s going to give up trying.”
