“I’m not frightened,” Mr.Wilson scoffed.“I’m pissed off.Alex is…well, I have no idea what the hell he is,and neither does he.He doesn’t need you swooping in and takingadvantage of that!”He turned back to Terry.“I’m his father.Hisrealfather, not this ‘Father Mark’ bullshit.It’s my job tolook out for him.”He rocked back on his heels and lifted his chin.“And that’s what I’m going to do.”
Terry looked tired.“So, just to beclear…you’re upset because you feel Father Webber has encouragedAlex to be gay while Alex himself is undecided…” He held up a handto silence Alex’s protestations before continuing with hismethodical recitation.“And because you feel that the church wascareless in placing a man with…well, a man with no history ofsexual misconduct whatsoever, but a man with a criminal past…into asituation where he would be in contact with your teenage son.Theseare your concerns?”
“Yeah, they are!”
“Okay.I understand.Please, Mr.…Mr.Wilson,is it?Please sit down.And Alex too, please.”And now the wordsMark had been anticipating and dreading.“Mark, I think we’llprobably get more done on our own right now, and I know you’ve gota lot of work to catch up on.Why don’t you get back to it, andI’ll update you when the meeting’s over.”
Why don’t you walk away and let us talkabout you behind your back.Why don’t you go sit and stew in yourown office while this homophobe throws accusations at you and hurtshis own son in the process.There were so many answers, butMark knew that Terry hadn’t really been asking a question.He hadbeen dismissed.Trying to stay would only ramp up the tension in aroom where it was just starting to defuse.And it would make himlook like the pushy bastard Mr.Wilson apparently thought he was,substituting his own judgment for someone else’s, pursuing his ownagenda.Besides, maybe Terry was right: they’d get more done ontheir own right then.
Still, it felt wrong to meekly nod and stepbackwards into the foyer.Even more wrong to pull the flimsy doorshut behind him and step away from it all.Maybe he should go andwash his hands to complete the symbolic removal of himself fromAlex’s plight.
He just had to trust Terry.And, of course,God.Mark took a quick look into his own office and knew hewouldn’t be able to concentrate on his paperwork, not yet.So heheaded back along the narrow hallway to the main church.Moreprayer—it was all he had left to do.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Potatoes, lettuce, onions, peas, beans.Theywere probably boring choices, but Lucas wasn’t too worried aboutthat, not with his first attempt at planting a garden.He justwanted something to come up, wanted to see the shriveled brown bitshe dropped into the soil turn into something new and green anduseful.
He’d planted carrots a few weeks earlier andnow he crouched beside the tidy row of sprouts pushing their waythrough the almost-warm ground.He’d tried to keep himself fromgetting excited at the first signs of life.They could have beenanything, little bits of grass or other weeds that had takenadvantage of the carefully groomed soil.But now he could see thebeginnings of the feathery leaves he’d seen at the supermarket andhe let himself believe in this one small miracle.
“Carrots!”he said quietly to the squirrel.She stayed on her branch, the setting sun making her little morethan a silhouette.She was still chewing away at the quarter-cob ofdried corn he’d brought her from the farm.He’d been so nervousasking Elise if he could have it, and she’d given him a look likehe was crazy.For wanting the corn, for asking for it in such apeculiar way…who knew, really?But she hadn’t said no and thesquirrel seemed to be enjoying it, so the ordeal had beenworthwhile.“We’re growing carrots.Not for you.Well, you can havesome if you want, but don’t dig them up yourself, okay?You’remessy.”The little rodent had gotten so spoiled she probablywouldn’t eat carrots unless he brought them to her sautéed inbutter, so that was a plus.
“I told you they’d grow.”
The voice came from behind him and Lucaswhirled around.As soon as he saw Alex he knew something was wrong.The boy had never come to the halfway house before, and now he wasthere, with an unfamiliar expression on his face, and eyes thatlooked like they’d been crying recently and might be about ready tostart again.Still, he smiled at Lucas as he said, “Gardening’s notthat hard.Stuff wants to grow, you know?You just have to give ita chance.”
And maybe Lucas should have followed Alex’slead and talked about gardening for a while, but he couldn’t do it,not with Alex looking the way he did.“You weren’t at the farmtoday.I thought you’d just gotten busy at school—you said you hadthat project due.But…is everything okay?”
Alex’s face crumpled.Lucas didn’t send hisbody any orders—it just moved on its own, steppingnot-too-carefully over his rows and furrows until he was in frontof Alex, where he froze.But Alex didn’t give him much time forsecond thoughts, crumpling forward with such abandon that Lucas hadto hug the boy or let him fall to the ground.Alex was warm and hisfingers dug tight and strong into Lucas’s back.Any other time andLucas would have thought it was one more seduction attempt, butthere was nothing artificial about the kid’s sobs.Lucas had noidea what to say or do, so he stood there, his arms wrapped aroundthe boy, and he tried to give what comfort he could.
Finally, Alex’s crying eased off.Hestraightened and pushed away gently, turning almost too quickly forLucas to see his face.“Sorry,” he muttered.
“No.Don’t be sorry.Can I do anything?”Lucas needed a guidebook, but without one he’d have to settle ontaking the most direct route possible.“I have no idea what’s goingon, but I’ll help if I can.”
Alex took a deep, shaky breath before saying“I think I messed things up.I mean, I definitely messed them upfor me.But I really hope I didn’t screw you over too.”
Not that long ago, Lucas would have laughedat the idea that he could be screwed over, but things had gottenbetter and now he actually did have something to lose.He kept hisvoice level as he said, “Can you tell me what’s going on?”
Alex scrubbed a hand roughly over his facebefore giving a bitter half-laugh.“I wanted to be honest.LikeFather Mark said.”The fierceness drained away and he sighed.“Well, he said I should be honest if I was ready to be, but that ifI wasn’t ready it was okay to keep stuff to myself too.But Iwasready!”He shook his head sadly.“It was my dad whowasn’t.”
Lucas pushed away his own memories of anangry father.“But you said you’d already told them.You said you’dtold everybody.Some of the stuff you wear—how could anyone notknow?”He grinned quickly before remembering how serious thesituation seemed to be.
“I told him.But I guess he didn’t reallybelieve me.He told me to shut up and stop trying to betrendy.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
Alex looked like he had a retort but thoughtbetter of it.“It could have been worse,” he conceded.“But thatwas when I first told him, not this time.”
“So, this time…”
“He freaked out.Dragged me down to thechurch so I could listen to him yell at Father Mark, and then atthe rector.And then…” Another shaky breath.“He told me I can’t bein youth group and I can’t volunteer at the farm anymore.I saidvolunteering there was important because I wanted to be a vet, andhe said there were lots of places I could work with animals.Placeswithout…”
It took a moment for it to make sense.“Without me?That’s…” Was it ironic?Was that the word he waslooking for?He’d killed a man, been convicted and done his time inthe country’s roughest federal prison, but the father didn’t reallymind any of that.He objected to Lucas because a sixteen-year-oldhad a crush on him.But it didn’t really matter why the father hada problem—the solution was clear.“You don’t have to find somewhereelse.I can just work my regular hours and not stick around.”Hewas surprised to think of how much it stung to think of not seeingAlex every day.There was still no hint of attraction toward theboy, but a friend was a rare and valuable thing, and it would hurtto lose the only one he had.Still, it was a simple solution to theproblem.“I mean, that’d do, right?That’d satisfy him?”
“No!”Alex raised his head, the old defiancecoming through at last.“He can’t do that!He can’t tell me who I’mfriends with, or where I spend my time!I get good grades and Idon’t get in trouble.If you were a girl, none of this would behappening.He’d probably be congratulating me for putting the moveson an older woman.I’m not going to change my whole life and giveup the best part of every day just because he’s a homophobicasshole.”
“Did you tell him that?”
Alex snorted.“Yeah.He said as long as I wasliving under his roof I was going to follow his rules.So I’m notgoing to live under his roof.”Alex nodded as if it were alldecided.“Look, are you, like, legally required to live here?Ican’t sign a lease ’cause I’m under eighteen, but I’ve got somemoney saved up, and I could get a job.I just need a roommate.Someone to sign the lease.And, you know…it’d be nice to have somecompany.”
