“Will we not speak of what just happened?”
“I daenae ken what ye are talkin’ about. As ye can probably tell, me grandmother cannae be controlled. If she wishes to lock us in a room, there isnae much anyone can do to dissuade her.”
“I am not talking about that. I am talking about the… thekiss,” she finished lamely, her cheeks heating. “You kissed me, Callum.”
A muscle jumped in his cheek. A long silence stretched out between them. The kiss remained seared into Melody’s memory. She doubted that she’d ever forget a single detail about it.His lips, the bathwater-mint-fresh smell of him, the scratch of his stubble, all mingled with his arms tight around her and the strange, plunging sensation in her stomach, it was all so overwhelming even to recall.
I want to feel it again.
This was the most horrifying realization of all. She ought not want any of it, not for a moment. Respectable ladies did not crave such excesses of sensation, let alone experience them.
But then I cannot worry much about doing things correctly, since I have done the wrong thing from the moment I arrived here. Before, in fact.
Callum let out a long, ragged sigh. For the first time, she saw traces of exhaustion on his face. There were dark circles around his eyes, and his eyelids were heavier than before. Climbing to his feet, he let the chunk of wood roll off his lap.
There was something of a shape to it now. Was he whittling it? She could see an arch at the top of the log, curving toward the center, and rough gouges here and there to suggest a shape, something hiding within the grain.
“I am sorry that I kissed ye,” he said at last, shaking his head. “It was the wrong thing to do. It was not appropriate. It was… it was a mistake, a big one, I’m sure ye can agree with me. Still, it changes nothin’. At the end of the month, as we agreed, the betrothal will be called off, and ye will return home. Ye ought to be glad,” he added.
Melody turned abruptly away, afraid that her face would reveal something.
I don’t want to go home.
“Why should I be glad?” she demanded briskly.
There was a beat of silence before he responded. She was not looking at his face, so she could not take a guess at what he was thinking. Perhaps that was for the best, really.
“I’m sorry about the kiss,” Callum said at last, not answering her question. “But I cannae marry ye.”
Did he mean it? Perhaps so, but it did not change Melody’s predicament. Not wanting to stand where she was, stock-still at the head of the stairs like an uninvited guest—which she was, really—she broke away, wandering over to the window.
It was somewhat unsurprising to see that his window overlooked the training fields. Was it usual for lairds to train, bare-chested, alongside their soldiers? Out in the open, for anyone to see?
Perhaps it was. Or perhaps that was simply how he did things.
“This is about your late wife, isn’t it?” Melody murmured. She sensed, rather than saw, Callum stiffen behind her. “I ought to have guessed earlier, I suppose. You are still in love with her.”
He made a choking noise, and she plowed on.
“I understand, truly I do. I know lots of people who have married again, and others who simply… don’t. Widows and widowers who are still married, in spirit at least. It’s quite understandable.”
Thumping footsteps approached. Melody did not turn around, but she knew that he was standing directly behind her. She could hear the creak of the floorboards, and a faint scent of mint wafted toward her.
“I am nae in love with me late wife,” he said shortly. “I was neverin lovewith her, nae even when we got married. Of course, I cared for her. But I have had four years to mourn, I have done me grievin’.”
She glanced hesitantly back at him. “Then what is the issue here?”
Callum rolled his shoulders. “Me wife took her own life. Because of me.”
Melody jerked backward, eyes widening in shock. “What?”
“Ye heard me. And before ye even try, nay, I willnae satisfy yer curiosity on this subject. I daenae care to dredge up my wife’s memory, or anything that happened in that time. The truth of the matter is that I am nae good for ye, lassie. Surely, ye must see that. Just… Just go home.”
“I think it is you who does not understand,” Melody replied, swallowing down her shock and surprise over this revelation. “I’ll be ruined. I should not have come here, but I think perhaps I was searching for an escape. Anyway, with the news of our betrothal all over the Highlands, followed by Sophie’s account of how we shared a kiss in such a private space, I will never recover my reputation. Nor will you, in fact,” she added, although she had a sneaking feeling that he would not care much about that.
Callum grunted. “If ye are speakin’ of yer brother-in-law bringin’ his clan against me, let me assure ye that I daenae care about it.”
“That is not what I meant. I wrote a letter to Victoria telling her that I am safe, so you shouldn’t expect a declaration of war anytime soon. But even if my brother-in-law does not attack, Callum, society certainly will. I won’t be able to show my face in London.”
