“Sorry! I really thought that was the one!” She rushed over, kneeling in front of me. She struggled to pull back my hands. “Just let me see.”
I stopped wrestling and let her look.
She put one hand on my cheek and she used the other to wipe the tears from my eye. She was so close I could feel her breath on my skin.
The sun was shining on her face, and for the first time I noticed how pink her lips were and how her long lashes curled up toward the outward corner of her eyes.
My heart leaped, and I jerked away, turning my head toward the wall.
“What’s wrong?” She held her hands up in surrender.
“I—I need to go—there’s this—” I stammered. This was Emma. Emma wasn’t just anyone. She was my friend and it felt wrong to let my mind wander down that path.
I stood, running into her dresser and stubbing my toe. I winced as I struggled to tuck my homework under my arm.
She scurried after me. “Let me help you—”
“No!” I yelled, afraid of what would happen if she touched me again.
She stepped back, tilting her head to the side, causing her hair to dip over her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I peeked up, heat rushing to my cheeks again. “Yes—I think so—I have to feed Duke.”
She chuckled. “Feed your dog?”
“Yeah. I forgot this morning,” I said, immediately regretting it.
Emma closed her door, blocking my way out, and crossed her arms. “Look at me.”
I lifted my eyes, embarrassed and confused.
“Myles, why are you lying to me?”
“I’m lying?”
The look in her eyes teetered between anger and amusement. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
How was I supposed to explain to her the way she was looking at me made it hard to breathe all of a sudden? It made me want to keep looking at her. But this wasn’t the way I’d looked at her before. It was more than me just admiring her. It was me wanting to memorize her face enough that I could picture it when I closed my eyes.
I couldn’t tell her that. I didn’t even fully understand it myself.
“I’m sorry.” Beads of sweat pooled at the top of my brow and I pulled her out of the way so I could bolt through the door and into the safety of the hallway.
I ran, thinking I could leave those feelings in the room with her, but they followed me, sinking their claws into me. From that day forward, I couldn’t see Emma the same way. Every time she was close, her touch was fire and her smile sent my mind into a spiral. I couldn’t focus on anything else.
But it made me feel awful that I couldn’t control it,because what if she didn’t feel the same way? So I kept it a secret.
I thought one day I’d end up telling her, but I never did.
My lungs tighten from the lack of air, pulling my thoughts back to the moment. I take a breath as Emma steps back, the bee on her finger.
She smiles. “I got it.”
I should be relieved, but I’m confused by my racing heart. What’s wrong with me? This is Emma. No one has ever hurt me as badly as she did. I hate her, so why is my mind wandering back to the past?
She walks to the window and waits for the bee to fly away before closing it.
“I need to—” To clear my head. To focus. “I need to run to the bathroom. Tell Ms. Simon I’ll be back soon.”
