Tears pricked at her eyes. “You always make things worse. He’s busy working!”
“I don’t make things worse.” My head swam and my legs felt like I was too heavy to hold up.
“You were literally hanging outside the window two minutes ago! He doesn’t know what to do with you! Should he send you to boarding school? Should he hire a therapist? Should he hire tutors? We’re all exhausted and sometimes I don’t know why I have to deal with. . .”
“Deal with what?” I bit my lip, trying not to cry. She was my sister. She was supposed to like me, and yet we were like oil and water. We didn’t mix. At least not like we used to.
“You, Emma.” She swallowed, jaw tense when she looked at me. “No wonder Mom left! Do you really think she wants a daughter who’s constantly causing problems?”
My chest heaved and my tears flowed down my cheeks. I wanted to hurt Mallory as badly as she hurt me. “It doesn’t seem like she wants a perfect daughter either.”
She caught her breath and her eyes strained. “Stop! Just stop, Emma! I’m so sick of taking care of you!”
She had no idea what it was like being her sister. To be invisible because everything she did overshadowed me. “Fine,” I said, pushing her away. “I won’t make you suffer anymore.”
I ran out of the classroom.
“Emma, wait!”
I stopped. Heart beating out of my chest, and my stomach in knots. I turned, glancing at my perfect sister. The girl who didn’t know what it was like to have to try. The girl on track to be the next valedictorian. The girl who was easy for everyone to love. “Just so you know, I hate you too, Mallory! I hate everything about you! I wish you’d disappear!” My voice cracked, raw from anger laced with pain.
I didn’t wait for her answer. I didn’t wait to see if my words hurt her or not. I ran out of the school with no phone and no plan. All I knew was I was going to see my mom even if I had to go by myself.
I told Mallory I hated her. That was the last thing I told her. I told her I wanted her to disappear.
And then she did . . .
Tears stream down my face as I stare at the water under the bridge, watching the rain ripple off the surface. I imagine the world is crying with me, feeling her loss as deeply as me. The perpetual torment of the hollow gash she left behind in my life.
I wish I’d told her how I really felt. I loved her, but I didn’t realize how much until she was gone. I didn’t realize how empty I’d feel once she died. Sure, we argued, but looking back, she was just trying to fill Mom’s shoes. She was trying her best to take care of me, and I made it difficult because I was hurting.
Now, I have no one, but maybe that’s what I deserve. I think back to the last thing my mother told me before she left.
“If you wanted me to love you, then you should’ve made it easier.”
She was right, and maybe if I was a better person, a good person, nothing bad would’ve ever happened to us. I’d have a mother who was happy enough to stay. Mallory would’ve never had to take on all the responsibility Mom left behind. I would’ve stopped Myles from ever turning into a monster. And Dad wouldn’t avoid me because Mallory would still be here.
Thunder roars overhead, shocking me back to reality.
I wipe my face even though it’s drenched again in seconds. I should go home before I make my dad worry. I can almost hear him calling me in the distance.
I pivot to turn on the slick stones, but when I bring my foot up, it slips. My body falls, slamming into the wall. I scream, grabbing at the wall, searching for a good hold, but the stones are too smooth.
The wind howls as if it’s screaming my name.
My eyes widen as my wet fingers slip off the rocks, and I’m falling.
I’m. Falling.
My stomach lurches into my throat as my piercing scream cracks the air moments before it’s muffled.
I hit the water, chills rushing through my body like a thousand little needles. The water is somehow much deeper than expected and I sink like an anchor into the dark river. Deeper than should be possible, as if the rocks have disappeared. Above me the light from the street blurs on the surface.
My body forgets how to move and I’m pulled deeper into this darkness. There should be rocks, and I should’ve hit the riverbed by now, but it seems the river is bottomless.
I stay suspended for what feels like eternity before my adrenaline kicks in, and I frantically wave my arms and kick my legs. I cup my hands, stroking the water.
My lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, and my ears ring.
