And all I can think about is Mallory’s blue lips as I close my eyes.
31
MYLES
I didn’t sleep last night, but I’ve never slept well here. I’ve waited an entire year to see Emma, the Emma I pushed off the bridge, again. Each night I wondered if I’d made the wrong decision. Would she come back?
I can’t even explain the relief of seeing her face yesterday, but watching her cry when I couldn’t touch or hold her close tore me up inside.
I follow the guard to the visitation area, fully expecting to see Emma sitting on the other side of the glass.
But it isn’t her.
It’s Sam.
His face is in his hands when I sit in front of him. His bloodshot eyes look up at me, bringing the phone to his ear.
My heart is racing as I do the same. “Where’s Emma?”
“She isn’t coming.”
This doesn’t make sense. I saw her yesterday and she said she’d come back. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Myles,” he whispers. “Emma is dead.”
32
MYLES
I can’t breathe.
I can’t see.
I can’t think.
“I need out of here!” I yell.
I’m pounding on the glass.
I’m throwing my chair.
I’m being restrained.
I’m crying.
My arms are held back by a guard and I fight his grasp, thrashing my legs against his. I yell out repeatedly, hoping someone will pull me out of this nightmare. No one does.
I won’t believe it. It’s a lie. It has to be.
Emma is dead and there isn’t anything I can do but hate myself for not protecting her. I waited in jail for an entire year to save her life only for her to leave me anyway.
It isn’t fair.
Emma isn’t just anyone. She’s my Emma. The girl who wiped my tears away when I was little and scared. The girl who fell asleep in my desk chair in the far corner of my roomwhile I studied. The girl who snuck into my room just to hold my hand.
I can’t accept the idea of never touching her again. Of never breathing the same air as her. Of never watching her eyes light up when she talks.
I hate myself for letting us drift apart when I should’ve known better. If I had known what was going through her head when her mom left, none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t have wasted years ignoring her.
